I think I'm back..........

My usual m.o. when an unexpected struggle comes my way is to withdraw. From my family, friends, co-workers and unfortunately, from God. I have this really preposterous thought in my head (that makes no sense whatsoever I know) is that if I'm really scared or concerned about something then acknowledging it - even to God, makes it real. As though the act of acknowledging it gives it power to happen. Worries spoken aloud come true. Hey, I have warned you before that you aren't reading the work of a logical, sane person. I have had a stern talking to myself though and am working to do the things I know help and working minute by minute to lay it in the hands of my Father and LEAVE it there. Through the years it has helped to have a place that I meet God so that just in the act of coming there draws me to the throne. SO here you go - this is my altar of offering. First of all my chair: (ignore the book on the left that has fallen to the floor and the order of worship that has fallen under the table):
Here you have a little plaque/picture thingy that a friend gave me when I was going through my divorce and felt like such a failure.
Here's my lamp - it's so very much not me. But then, neither is the furniture. The house this furniture belongs in would not have books and orders of worship on the floor. And now my old Bible, my new Bible, my current Bible Study, gratitude journal, 31 Days of Power and my prayer journal plus various writing instruments. And finally, before I get too cozy with the Word, this last very important item (did I mention I'm in this place while it's still dark in the a.m.?) I just noticed that my fine china clashes with the whole furniture theme going on. I told you it wasn't me.

Second Chance......

I was looking last night and realized that although I have written 100 posts I have only posted 99 so actually THIS is my 100th post. Ta da! Another chance to be poetic, wise, deep, challenging....all those things I desire in my heart when I sit down to type.


Alas. Still not so much. I'm reminded of a cartoon I've seen in various places "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." Seriously. I cannot seem to keep a thought in my head. I'm told it's because of my "time of life". Well I suspect that's a euphemism for "you're old and losing it" but I choose to believe I have information overload and I just need a reboot.


This morning as I was doing my homework for this Bible study:
a point stood out to me that God has impressed upon my heart time and again over the years (I do remember some things). I'm getting the idea He thinks I need to hear this! I've even blogged about this before and still I read it and think "You haven't gotten it yet, Michelle!" Exodus 14:14 says "The Lord will fight for you. You need only be still." My heart just seems to zero in on those words wherever I read them and I begin feeling convicted again. I've messed up so many things because I thought it was up to me to fight the battle. It's up to me to say the right thing, it's up to me to do the right thing. I've got to think of some way to convince someone to go the way I think is right. I wonder if the result would have been different, at least some of the time, if I'd relinquished the need for action and was still and let the Lord fight the battle? In 12 step groups there is often the mention of trying to be someone's own personal God. By that it is meant that we enablers often are busy trying to talk someone into being sober, smoothing the way, cajoling, shaming, begging - whatever we think will work. Oftentimes, while our intentions are good, we are standing between our loved one and God. We need to get out of God's way. We need to remember that GOD will fight the battle if we'll just be still and quit messing in His business.


Am I the only person in the world that thinks God needs help?