Another sigh...........

Happy Birthday, Tyler! I can't believe the boy is 21. It some ways it's actually surprising that he made it to 21. In every single sense of the word this child is all boy and kept me on my knees. But before I digress let me tell you how very much he is an answer to prayer.

I had endometriosis all during my 20's and 30's. I didn't actually know that until my 30's but it made getting pregnant very difficult. After Matt was born we were told we were lucky that we had him and to be thankful. Of course we were. But I wanted a houseful of Matthew's and that diagnosis was met with tears. For six years we waited for me to get pregnant and the stress and strain of all those tests and charts and drugs were taking their toll on my emotional health. Finally in 1986 we decided we'd adopt. We started the process in March 1986. All of the consultations and references were completed by Memorial Day, 1986. We had always heard the waiting list was long and we figured it would be at least a year before we would meet the baby God had for us. We received the official acceptance the first of July. On the 25th of August we got a call from the social worker. "You have a baby boy!” We made that 100 mile trip to Amarillo in short order. It was very important to Matt that he be included in the process and the social worker had drawn up a paper that was just for him - all about the responsibilities he had as an older brother and that he promised he would look out for Tyler and be a good role model for the rest of his life. I just bawled watching Matthew nod that he understood what he was signing (He was 6, remember) and watching him solemnly sign his name. Then we signed our names and she said "Just a minute" and left the room. In just a matter of minutes the door opened again and Sharon, the foster mom, carried Tyler in and handed him to me. Oh my gosh I was bawling and laughing and talking -- he was so beautiful. He was two months old when we were introduced and it was immediately apparent that this was the boy we'd been waiting for and that God had planned for all along. This is us just minutes after I first saw my son. Look at the smile on Matt's face.

Tyler was on the go from the very minute he figured out how to motor around. Nothing was safe in his reach. When he was 18 months old he found a screwdriver in the drawer and nearly dismantled his high chair before I discovered him. Another time his dad stepped out of the pickup to talk with someone and Tyler decided he waited long enough. He put the car in drive and took off down the street. He was 2. Tyler is very much an extrovert -- he is energized by people contact. The biggest punishment I could ever give him was to put him in his room alone. He is an adrenaline junkie and I know I don't even want to know half of what he has done. The things I know about (like skateboarding off a house) are scary enough. He is hard working, doesn't like to be idle, and is up for just about anything. Most of all he is an answer to prayer. He is so very much my son that I forget I didn't give birth to him. I couldn't possibly love him more. Happy Birthday, my son. Please, please, please be safe. Contrary to what you seem to believe, you are NOT invincible.

This is my very favorite picture of the little ham.

Dancin'

On my birthday Thomas surprised me with tickets to the Dancing With the Stars Tour. I would never have thought about going but it was so much fun. We went last night and I loved it. Thomas was persistent in getting tickets on line - he kept choosing "find new seats" until he found two seats next to an aisle. We were directly across from the stage in a perfect place. My fav, Joey Fatone, was a part of the group and he did the two dances that were my favorite from this season - the free style that got him a perfect 30 and the jive that was just way energetic and fun. The four guy stars are all singers and they did some fun singing numbers as well as the dances. And the closing finale was from one of my favorite movies (I know this is gay) - Footloose. It was greatness. An added serendipity was that seated two rows ahead of me in the American Airlines Center was one of my former students from well over 10 years ago. Ashley was just a dear and I loved her. I stayed in touch for years but as she graduated from high school and went on with her life we had lost touch. A year ago her younger brother who was Tyler's age just dropped dead at work. It was tragic. It was a blessing and surprise to see her and hug her sweet neck and just re-connect. She's doing well - as pretty as she ever was. So, all in all, last night was a complete 10!

Belated Father's Day

(I was going to post this yesterday but all plans got pre-empted with kitchen woes.)

I heard this song by Brad Paisley several years ago and it grabbed me and wouldn't let go. So I am posting this is honor of all the dads out there who show up day after day, do the job with all the love they possess, healing hurts they didn't inflict, mending hearts they didn't break all the while never having the honor of wearing the name. Life isn't fair to them but you never hear them complain and you never see the hurt they swallow.

He Didn't Have to Be

by Brad Paisley

When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new
It always winds up feeling more like a job interview
My momma used to wonder if she'd ever meet someone
Who wouldn't find out about me and then turn around and run
I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old
He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go
A few months later I remember lying there in bed
I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she'd say yes

And then all of a sudden
Oh, it seemed so strange to me
How we went from something's missing
To a family
Lookin' back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I'm at least half the dad
That he didn't have to be

I met the girl that's now my wife about three years ago
We had the perfect marriage but we wanted somethin' more
Now here I stand surrounded by our family and friends
Crowded 'round the nursery window as they bring the baby in

And now all of a sudden
It seemed so strange to me
How we've gone from something's missing
To a family
Lookin' through the glass I think about the man
That's standin' next to me
And I hope I'm at least half the dad
That he didn't have to be

Lookin' back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I'm at least half the dad
That he didn't have to be
Yeah, I hope I'm at least half the dad
That he didn't have to be
Because he didn't have to be
You know he didn't have to be

Happy Father's Day

I love you, I miss you, I'll see you again.

Who knows...

but what you are here for such a time as this? This is without a doubt one of the most comforting concepts in the Bible and I go to that verse time and again. I love the story of Esther and how God placed her where she was for a specific purpose. I love it when Mordecai asks Esther that very question and follows it with "look, God is going to do his thing with or without you" (well, that's more or less the way he said it). I look for reasons as to why I am here in corporate America - that I am working at "the house that Ross Perot built" still boggles my mind. A co-worker that I don't really know (she's an attorney and of course I am not) lost her father almost a year ago. She was struggling mightily in the last days of his life and so I sent her a note saying "hey, I'm here if you want to cry -- I know it hurts - been there done that". There is something about email that frees a person to say the things they might not say in person and she responded and poured out her heart to me and I was able to minister to her. Here we are now - she is facing her first Father's Day. Yesterday she emailed me again and said "Do you remember your first Father's Day?" and I was given another opportunity to minister to her hurting and broken spirit. I don't know what her faith is, or even if her faith is - except that she is angry with God. But I got the chance to share that God loves her and is there and understands that she is very angry with him at the moment and it's okay. I don't know if anything I said made a difference. I don't know if she'll move closer to Jesus because of anything I said.

For a few minutes yesterday and today I was about a higher purpose than contracts and litigation and such. And who knows if I was called here for just this purpose?

Thus far

I Samuel 7:12: "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far has the LORD helped us."

Sunday morning during our ladies retreat my friend Gaynell spoke about this verse and it stuck in my memory banks. With the pitiful state of my memory, it's a wonder that I am able to recall this fact -- but I read it again today and I remembered. I was convicted to plant my own rock of remembrance so not only could I remember but I would have a visual to point out to my children at every opportunity. There is just something wonderfully reassuring and comforting about realizing 'thus far the Lord has helped me." When you break things down to 'thus far' it isn't so overwhelmingly frightening. PLUS there's the knowledge that God has been with me thus far so He's probably not going to pull out now. Every since I learned what an Ebenezer was I have loved that verse to that old hymn, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing". There is something deeply sacred to me about worship through songs that are hundreds of years old. I love, love, love new worship songs but once in a while those old hymns say something that can't be said any other way.

All I need to hang on for is "thus far". That seems pretty simple. I think I can do that.

Just musing

You know how you can read a verse in the Bible a million times (well, more or less) and it never gets your attention and then all of a sudden, one day POW! Right between the eyes - it's as though you would swear you had never seen it before and in fact has to be a "latter day" revelation. That's how it was a few days ago when I was reading Acts 17. It's nothing spectacular -- a very simple idea, and one that I have believed all along. But there is something about seeing it in black and white in GOD's Word that gave the implications so much more power.

I have often wondered (and felt very convicted) as to why I was born with white skin in middle class America -- where by the very nature of those things (that I had absolutely no say in) I have privileges and opportunities that most in the world never have. I can do things, have things, be things because I have white skin, money in the bank and live in Dallas TX. I don't minimize my efforts - certainly I have tried to be responsible (well, okay, fairly responsible) with what I've been given. I had the opportunities though, to have those things in the first place. To my knowledge no one has ever hurriedly locked their car doors because they saw me crossing the street. Well, okay, Katie probably would but for entirely different reasons (just kidding honey). I'm so humbled at the understanding I have that I DID NOTHING to deserve this and I DID NOTHING to earn it.

And here comes the verse I read:
Acts 17:26 "From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. (Emphasis mine)

Like I said, nothing big, nothing new. I've always tried to acknowledge that I believe God is in control of my life, yada, yada, yada. But somehow that verse made me realize in an even deeper, greater way that I'm where God put me -- and since we know He doesn't do things w/o reason I have a humongo responsiblity. Which reminds me of another verse: Luke 12:48: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."

I need to live with more purpose this is telling me.

Happy Birthday to me

Yesterday was my birthday and I took the day off. Spent it wandering around fabric stores all by my lonesome and loved every minute of it. Didn't find anything I wanted to use for window treatments but I could spend all day in a fabric store and not get tired of it. I just love them. I want to get the sewing machine out and sew very badly but it's one of the many things that is shelved due to lack of time. I came back to work today and Debbie (my boss) brought me my birthday present. Two absolutely gorgeous necklaces. One is turquoise and one is pink marble opal nuggets....they are both natural stones and they are just gorgeous. As much as I love them I loved her card even more. I have read it 10 times today and laughed every time. Everyone who walks by my desk is subjected to me saying "Here read this card!!"

The front of the card says:
"So, anyway, I'm standing in line to buy you a freakin' birthday card and the line is like seventeen billion people long cause the only thing the dumb teenage boy at the register is thinking about is the dumb teenage girl at the other register, and some dumb lady is turning her purse inside out to come up with "exact change," like she's gonna win some kind of "exact change trophy" or something, and some idiot starts up with his "This item was marked with the sale price" crap and I just really hope you like this card..."

and you open the card and it says:

"'Cause I stole it."

I'm laughing all over again.

Progress

Well, I'm a little less crazy today than I have been. And to celebrate that mood I cooked dinner today. We had steak, baked potatoes and corn on the cob (please don't point out there are two starches and no green leafy vegetables in that menu) AND we had all that because I could cook it on the grill. We still have no appliances in our kitchen, other than the refrigerator which was ours to begin with. The range, microwave and dishwasher were to be delivered yesterday between 3 - 6 p.m. I got a call about 3:00 p.m. saying "your range was damaged in transit so we have to order another one". Ugh. So it's still paper plates and plastic forks (the steaks were tender). I won't have countertops for at least two more weeks because they have to make it. They came out and drew up the template on Friday so one more thing I can check off the list. My cabinets are SO pretty. I just love them. My floor is gorgeous, I just love it. Except it sure shows every little thing. Ugh. Not so good. Here are pictures, taken from the same vantage points as all the others have been. Ignore the folding table in the middle of the room that is currently my counter. And
the sheetrock dust (six weeks' worth) on the refrigerator. Oh, and the lovely red folding chair.