Four days and counting.......

This letting go business hurts! Tyler made it to Denver safely (though not without incident) and is planning to drive on to Winter Park tonight. When he left he had his bed tied on to the top of his Explorer. It was a reprisal of The Beverly Hillbillies to be sure. Then somewhere in the Panhandle the wind that IS the panhandle relieved him of that load. He just kept on going. So somewhere in the panhandle prairie some cow was treated to a softer place to sleep.

I've cried every single day and night - surely this is going to dry up soon. I have listened to Mark Harris's "Find Your Wings" over and over and over. I'm a masochist like that. The song is absolutely so beautiful and the words straight from a parent's heart. "It's only for a moment you are mine to hold. The plan that heaven has for you will all too soon unfold. So many different prayers I'll pray for all that you might do. But most of all I'll want to know you're walking in the truth. And if I never told you I want you to know. As I watch you grow I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams and the faith that gives you courage to dare to do great things. I'm here for you whatever this life brings. So let my love give you roots and help you find your wings." Now obviously I've listened to it once or twice since I can relay the words so effortlessly.

I know that I have no real power to make things all right or to keep my kids from all harm or temptation. Having one so far away serves to emphasize that all too painfully. I have to trust my feeble efforts at parenting and most of all the God I pointed the way to. I know (although can't quite fathom) that God loves Tyler more, even than I do. I am proud that he dared to do this thing - follow his dream (I seriously hope being a ski bum is not the entirety of his dream!) and make the hard choice to leave all that is familiar. He knows I'm here for him. He knows above all else GOD is who He said He was and is watching over him when I can't.

I'll get beyond this grieving in time. I keep telling myself that dozens of my friends have walked this way before me and survived. I hear, even, that the empty nest has an allure of its own. I'll have to accept that by faith at the moment. I did tell Tyler's brother that I had just cancelled his move to Africa. He could find a mission field in Richardson. Oh my I don't know how I'm going to do that one.

Pray for me!