Keeping it real

grace: noun, verb, graced, grac·ing

1. elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.
2. a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.

You will not see my picture in the dictionary by this word. Oh no. No modeling contract in the works for me. Twice today I embarrassed myself by my oh so talented ungrace.

The first display was in the bathroom at work. This would not be a happy place for Michelle. I just really hate it when there are other people in the bathroom. The whole experience is one of high anxiety -- you know I am the only human being to go to the bathroom of course. But when you try to drink your requisite 8+ glasses of water a day you are going to obviously be making a trip or two. So today, I'm in my stall knowing there is someone in the next stall. Nervous bladder attacks plus always the possiblity lurking in the back of my mind of "what if I make some unfortunate noise?" That would be death. So I always go as fast as I can, turn around while zipping my pants I flush with my foot, wash my hands and get out. How absurd is this? But today, I turn around, lift my foot to push the lever............. I am wearing these cute little slides and when I lifted my foot up so quickly I flung my shoe off, lost my balance and fell backwards. I grabbed the wall to keep from falling over, had to reach around the back of the toilet to grab my shoe -- don't you know this was all done ever so quietly? The whole scene was so ridiculous I nearly choked to keep from laughing out loud.

Scene two: I'm walking toward the parking garage. I don't walk slow and I have to fight irritation when I get behind someone who is just meandering their way out of the building. So I get my chance and I break away - I'm leading the pack and just about the time I come face to face with a guy who is going back in the building.........I fall off my stupid shoe and am stumbling face forward. Do you know how hard it is to do something this embarrassing and still shake it off and keep walking like you really intended to do that all along? Oh but I tried.

I'm sure no one noticed.