It's been a while since I have blogged about my heroes. I have a new one that I want to introduce you to. I have been blessed to know a few people who, though years and years younger than I am, are giants of faith. These young people just seemed to get it, you know? Their spiritual maturity surpasses that of many adults and you just walk away humbled for having been with them.
When we moved to Spearman to work with the church there was a young girl in the youth group that was exactly the kind of person I am talking about. She had a depth and a spark in her that just would not be dimmed. She was as cute as could be, and equally as sweet. She was an absolute delight. I still have a letter that she wrote to me when my husband left me and I was just falling apart at the seams. I asked her "What good could possibly come from this?" and she wrote me the most wonderful letter. She listed several things that could come from the mess if I trusted God to lead me through. Good grief I don't think the girl could have been more than twenty years old! She lost her mom during that time after a very sudden and short illness. Here she is, in college, her mom has just died and she is writing me giving me comfort about my life. Oh Jan, oh Jan -- what a gift the Lord gave me when He let our paths cross.
As things go, years passed and I lost touch. I loosely kept track of her because she was the same age as one of my good friend's daughter. I knew that she had married. This past year I got the news that her husband had died. I was heart broken for her -- got her address and then promptly lost it. Out of the clear blue sky several weeks ago she emailed me after having gotten my email address from my friend. She gave me the link to her blog so I could read what had happened in her life. I couldn't tear myself away - her writing is fantastic (she does it for a living and you can tell) but the awesome part was the story of her faith during the valley of the shadow of death through which she was forced to walk. Now she finds herself a widow and experiences all the feelings that you would expect but continually she lets God lead and gives Him the glory for the little things. Go check her out at Just Jan. I just know you are going to love her to death and be as humbled as I am.
I love you sweet friend!!!
Showing posts with label Heroes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heroes. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, September 17, 2007
The one I caught.............
Since I told the story of “the one that got away” I decided that today I would share the story of how I met Thomas. It’s a story of God moving in definite, traceable ways so that I, a very wounded woman, could trust that it was God and not me.
About a year after I learned that John (my ex) was in love with my good friend (I have since redefined what ‘good friend’ means to me) I wrote in a prayer journal: “God I am very tired of going it alone. Being a single parent is hard when the kids are so young and need so much. Where do I turn when I am worried about money or discipline or any of the myriad of things that come up in the day?” And He said, “Michelle, you turn to me.” I was learning that in so many ways and it was filling my cup and I was learning to trust Him. For too long I’d placed men of God or knowledge of God ahead of knowing God but I was learning each day the blessed difference. In spite of all I was learning about and from the Lord there was one area of my life that I hadn’t turned over to him. That was the pain and the shame and the failure of divorce. I was so very ashamed – I felt certain that there was a large bold red letter RDF tattooed on my forehead. Rejected!! Divorced!! Failure!! was all that I felt about me at the time.
The next entry in my journal went something like this: “Lord, I don’t know if there is a man in my future – I don’t know if I’ll ever trust again but even if I do, who is going to choose me? If there is somebody out there that can overlook the fact that I obviously couldn’t do marriage right – if there really is such a guy then I am going to need all the assurances in the world from you that it is your hand guiding the relationship”. Not mine. Not this mythical guy’s. Not any human hand. Then I decided to lay out my fleece just like Gideon did.
1.) He must love the Lord above all else.
2.) He must never have been married before – I have enough baggage for two.
3.) He must not have any children of his own – my children need undivided attention and loyalty
4.) He must not call me or ask me out until 18 months after the end of my marriage.
I thought I had made the list so impossible that I wouldn’t have to worry. I would accept my single state and not have to take a chance on love again because well, God didn’t send me anyone that met the requirements. Let’s face it, a man with no kids and no prior marriage at the late 30’s age point?? Most of those that were still single were single for a reason, people!
Aaaahhh, but my God is so big.
To be continued…………..
About a year after I learned that John (my ex) was in love with my good friend (I have since redefined what ‘good friend’ means to me) I wrote in a prayer journal: “God I am very tired of going it alone. Being a single parent is hard when the kids are so young and need so much. Where do I turn when I am worried about money or discipline or any of the myriad of things that come up in the day?” And He said, “Michelle, you turn to me.” I was learning that in so many ways and it was filling my cup and I was learning to trust Him. For too long I’d placed men of God or knowledge of God ahead of knowing God but I was learning each day the blessed difference. In spite of all I was learning about and from the Lord there was one area of my life that I hadn’t turned over to him. That was the pain and the shame and the failure of divorce. I was so very ashamed – I felt certain that there was a large bold red letter RDF tattooed on my forehead. Rejected!! Divorced!! Failure!! was all that I felt about me at the time.
The next entry in my journal went something like this: “Lord, I don’t know if there is a man in my future – I don’t know if I’ll ever trust again but even if I do, who is going to choose me? If there is somebody out there that can overlook the fact that I obviously couldn’t do marriage right – if there really is such a guy then I am going to need all the assurances in the world from you that it is your hand guiding the relationship”. Not mine. Not this mythical guy’s. Not any human hand. Then I decided to lay out my fleece just like Gideon did.
1.) He must love the Lord above all else.
2.) He must never have been married before – I have enough baggage for two.
3.) He must not have any children of his own – my children need undivided attention and loyalty
4.) He must not call me or ask me out until 18 months after the end of my marriage.
I thought I had made the list so impossible that I wouldn’t have to worry. I would accept my single state and not have to take a chance on love again because well, God didn’t send me anyone that met the requirements. Let’s face it, a man with no kids and no prior marriage at the late 30’s age point?? Most of those that were still single were single for a reason, people!
Aaaahhh, but my God is so big.
To be continued…………..
Monday, April 02, 2007
For this child I prayed...
Sunday morning I had one of those bittersweet moments and I got all choked up for a couple of minutes. There I was, sitting between my husband and my oldest son. I told you in an earlier post that my son was one of my heroes. I think anyone who battles the demon of addiction and comes out on top deserves our applause. But there I sat Sunday morning and for a minute I flashed back to how seemingly short a time it was that Matt, the little boy, was sitting beside me in church. It seems as though it were just last week that I was handing him a book or a He-Man toy to keep him quiet and now, here he is -- a grown man building a life for himself. I also mentioned in this post that Matt had gently let me know he was considering spending some time in Rwanda teaching.
Totally AGAINST my personal, selfish will, I did a big girl thing. I'm sure God was in the details. Of all people in our 750+ member church, we walked in right behind the female half of the couple that is going to Rwanda. Okay, Lord, I get this. So I introduced Matt to her. And she is so excited about the work and that they are going and she has to take Matt over to her husband so she can tell this man who is going to be the principal of the school that here is this young man who wants to teach. I didn't much like being a big girl at that moment. If it were up to me I would have kept those 3 apart for ever.
This morning when I was driving to work a verse popped into my mind. Unbidden. And again, I didn't much like it. I wanted it to pop right back out of my mind to be honest. But it didn't. It didn't go away, it just kept echoing. So when I got to where I could, I pulled out my Bible and read the story of Samuel and the verse that God reminded me of this morning. Hannah has taken Samuel to the temple and stands before Eli and says "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." (1 Samuel 1:26ff) A little twist of the original meaning came to my mind - most certainly I prayed Matt into existence. But God reminded me today of the hours of prayer that had stormed the gates of heaven on Matt's behalf when he was lost in the world of drugs and alcohol. The Lord certainly granted what we asked of him in Matt's life. And now Matt is preparing to give himself to others through his career choice. A mother couldn't be more proud. Who knows what the next year will bring? Matt may well go to Rwanda or the Lord may open other doors that He guides Matt through. It's enough to know that Matt is daily turning his life over to the Lord's care and guidance. It's enough to know that if God is leading Matt to Rwanda then He will give me the strength and peace to watch him go.
At least, I know intellectually that it's enough. I have a year to get my heart to catch up to my head.
Totally AGAINST my personal, selfish will, I did a big girl thing. I'm sure God was in the details. Of all people in our 750+ member church, we walked in right behind the female half of the couple that is going to Rwanda. Okay, Lord, I get this. So I introduced Matt to her. And she is so excited about the work and that they are going and she has to take Matt over to her husband so she can tell this man who is going to be the principal of the school that here is this young man who wants to teach. I didn't much like being a big girl at that moment. If it were up to me I would have kept those 3 apart for ever.
This morning when I was driving to work a verse popped into my mind. Unbidden. And again, I didn't much like it. I wanted it to pop right back out of my mind to be honest. But it didn't. It didn't go away, it just kept echoing. So when I got to where I could, I pulled out my Bible and read the story of Samuel and the verse that God reminded me of this morning. Hannah has taken Samuel to the temple and stands before Eli and says "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." (1 Samuel 1:26ff) A little twist of the original meaning came to my mind - most certainly I prayed Matt into existence. But God reminded me today of the hours of prayer that had stormed the gates of heaven on Matt's behalf when he was lost in the world of drugs and alcohol. The Lord certainly granted what we asked of him in Matt's life. And now Matt is preparing to give himself to others through his career choice. A mother couldn't be more proud. Who knows what the next year will bring? Matt may well go to Rwanda or the Lord may open other doors that He guides Matt through. It's enough to know that Matt is daily turning his life over to the Lord's care and guidance. It's enough to know that if God is leading Matt to Rwanda then He will give me the strength and peace to watch him go.
At least, I know intellectually that it's enough. I have a year to get my heart to catch up to my head.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
What Jesus looks like
In an earlier post I told you that I have a friend who is Jesus in the flesh to me. It occurs to me that you might be blessed to know what Jesus looks like so I'm going to show you. Here he is at my wedding...he did the ceremony for Thomas and I and his words were absolutely anointed. So here's Frank all cleaned up:
And here is the Frank I know best. The day I took this picture I was leaving to come back home (I periodically have to go spend time with Frank and Lucy for my own sanity's sake) and he made sure to come in from the fields so he could tell me goodbye. So here are Frank and Lucy:
I love this man.
(It's okay, Lucy knows...and so does Thomas come to think of it.)
And here is the Frank I know best. The day I took this picture I was leaving to come back home (I periodically have to go spend time with Frank and Lucy for my own sanity's sake) and he made sure to come in from the fields so he could tell me goodbye. So here are Frank and Lucy:
I love this man.
(It's okay, Lucy knows...and so does Thomas come to think of it.)
Monday, February 19, 2007
Heroes
I'm sure there is some music that you listen to that you wouldn't want ANYONE to know you like. But on some level, it speaks to you and you just can't help it. For me....oh yikes.....I SWEAR this doesn't mean I'm old or anything. But, I love The Oak Ridge Boys. On my 26th birthday (which was just last week for whoever is counting) my sister sat in line for over 18 hours....camped out in the parking lot...to buy tickets to their concert. She got us front row center tickets. And I was hooked. I have to listen to them in private because my family goes into something resembling death throes if I dare to put it on in their hearing. This past week I got two CD's in the mail because I made a donation to Feed The Children (quite clever marketing for folks like me, huh?). One of them is their greatest hits, the other one is their newest release. There's this one song that keeps going through my mind...well actually more than one since I have listened to it about 347 times in the last 24 hours....
It's called Closer to Home. It's comparing the heroes he had as a child (Superman, Johnny Bench and then George Jones) with the heroes he has now -- Rescue Workers who put their lives on the line when the alarm goes off, the man who delivers his newspaper in the morning and then goes to his job at Wal-Mart because his grown daughter came home and left her two children with him to raise while she took off. It ends with looking at his sleeping children and realizing that his mom and dad sacrificed all they had for him. "Used to be Superman, Johnny Bench and then George Jones. But lately I've been finding all my heroes closer to home."
That makes me think of the heroes I have in my life. I couldn't write about all of them...but today I'm thinking of 3. I have to give credit to my sweet hubby. Not many men would have thought a woman with 3 kids was a catch -- but I think he wanted them as badly as he wanted me. I can't begin to enumerate the struggles of raising kids to be adults who had such deep scars caused by an absent father -- our life has been nothing if not interesting. He's sometimes worked 3 jobs to support us, given his all for all sorts of expenses we never dreamed we'd have. And the crazy guy has done it all for 14 years now with a grin bigger than Dallas...through it all. Maybe that is the secret!! He's crazy. My #2 hero is my oldest son. Certainly Matt has done more than his fair share at turning hubby's hair from brown to gray. (Mine is just turning loose.) He's made some wrong turns - ran smack into some dead ends -- but finally over 2 years ago he made a decision to turn his will and his life over to the care of God and what a testimony the boy has. Matt is going to school to become a teacher -- wow, won't he be able to relate to those fringe kids that every class has? His faith in our Lord is growing...and it is exactly that - his faith. He has made a tremendous impact on so many people at church. I'm so proud of him. And finally, I have to mention the man who more than anyone else I know embodies the spirit of Christ - and that would be one Frank P. He's a Panhandle Texas farmer, hat on his head, boots on his feet and callouses on his hands. But you aren't in Frank's presence longer than 5 minutes before you know for certain that you are in the presence of something holy. A man who loves with the love of Christ like no other I've known.
And so, this afternoon I'm finding my heroes Closer to Home.
It's called Closer to Home. It's comparing the heroes he had as a child (Superman, Johnny Bench and then George Jones) with the heroes he has now -- Rescue Workers who put their lives on the line when the alarm goes off, the man who delivers his newspaper in the morning and then goes to his job at Wal-Mart because his grown daughter came home and left her two children with him to raise while she took off. It ends with looking at his sleeping children and realizing that his mom and dad sacrificed all they had for him. "Used to be Superman, Johnny Bench and then George Jones. But lately I've been finding all my heroes closer to home."
That makes me think of the heroes I have in my life. I couldn't write about all of them...but today I'm thinking of 3. I have to give credit to my sweet hubby. Not many men would have thought a woman with 3 kids was a catch -- but I think he wanted them as badly as he wanted me. I can't begin to enumerate the struggles of raising kids to be adults who had such deep scars caused by an absent father -- our life has been nothing if not interesting. He's sometimes worked 3 jobs to support us, given his all for all sorts of expenses we never dreamed we'd have. And the crazy guy has done it all for 14 years now with a grin bigger than Dallas...through it all. Maybe that is the secret!! He's crazy. My #2 hero is my oldest son. Certainly Matt has done more than his fair share at turning hubby's hair from brown to gray. (Mine is just turning loose.) He's made some wrong turns - ran smack into some dead ends -- but finally over 2 years ago he made a decision to turn his will and his life over to the care of God and what a testimony the boy has. Matt is going to school to become a teacher -- wow, won't he be able to relate to those fringe kids that every class has? His faith in our Lord is growing...and it is exactly that - his faith. He has made a tremendous impact on so many people at church. I'm so proud of him. And finally, I have to mention the man who more than anyone else I know embodies the spirit of Christ - and that would be one Frank P. He's a Panhandle Texas farmer, hat on his head, boots on his feet and callouses on his hands. But you aren't in Frank's presence longer than 5 minutes before you know for certain that you are in the presence of something holy. A man who loves with the love of Christ like no other I've known.
And so, this afternoon I'm finding my heroes Closer to Home.
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