The struggle remains...

Romans 8:28.

I honestly have grown to hate that verse or hate hearing someone quote it to me. I am so sick and tired of things working together for good! Because,

a.) I don't always believe it, and
b.) I sure can't find the good!

But the next verse challenges my whole attitude to change. It is amazing to me how a verse can be in your head forever and then one day someone reads it or says something about it and the verse seems totally new. One of those "I have never seen that verse before in my life" kind of experiences. . Suddenly you are challenged to reconstruct your whole view about a passage of scripture. That’s the kind of experience I had during a sermon by a much loved minister. Rather than stopping at 28 like we usually do he went on to verse 29 that says God’s plan is that we be conformed to the image of His Son. The idea that the things we are going through are designed to conform us, seemed like a whole new assurance that there was indeed a purpose and this is how good could come. Not that I am ever going to say " Oh thank you God that my kid has succumbed to addiction". But if in the process of loving an addict I am being conformed to the image of Christ then it seems possible that at least it could be bearable. My favorite verses in the Bible are found in Hebrews 13 -- many times I have said to myself "consider Him who endured such opposition.....for you have not yet endured to the point of death...." and realized that my trials pale in comparison. But the notion that they were conforming me was somehow comforting. It made sense in a new way or the light bulb went off or whatever -- but for the first time in a long time for a moment (and that is how I live now - by the moment) I saw the possibility of being comforted by the idea. I still am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am tired of living in my own dramatic version of As The World Flips --- but I must be really hard clay that has to be chiseled to be conformed and so I find power to hang on.

I was going through some stuff and I found the paragraphs above in an email I had sent said minister. I decided to edit slightly and post it today because in spite of all the “shoulda’s” in the world, I haven’t made much progress in the afore mentioned struggle. I’ve changed situations (my addict is clean and sober 2-1/2 years praise God) but the struggle inside me is the same. HOW CAN GOOD COME FROM THIS??? And so I see that I need to work at being honored when the conforming times happen. Not happy, mind you – people would have me committed – but I can remember who is doing the conforming and who is the one being conformed and feel God’s pleasure in the surrender.