The one I caught.............

Since I told the story of “the one that got away” I decided that today I would share the story of how I met Thomas. It’s a story of God moving in definite, traceable ways so that I, a very wounded woman, could trust that it was God and not me.

About a year after I learned that John (my ex) was in love with my good friend (I have since redefined what ‘good friend’ means to me) I wrote in a prayer journal: “God I am very tired of going it alone. Being a single parent is hard when the kids are so young and need so much. Where do I turn when I am worried about money or discipline or any of the myriad of things that come up in the day?” And He said, “Michelle, you turn to me.” I was learning that in so many ways and it was filling my cup and I was learning to trust Him. For too long I’d placed men of God or knowledge of God ahead of knowing God but I was learning each day the blessed difference. In spite of all I was learning about and from the Lord there was one area of my life that I hadn’t turned over to him. That was the pain and the shame and the failure of divorce. I was so very ashamed – I felt certain that there was a large bold red letter RDF tattooed on my forehead. Rejected!! Divorced!! Failure!! was all that I felt about me at the time.

The next entry in my journal went something like this: “Lord, I don’t know if there is a man in my future – I don’t know if I’ll ever trust again but even if I do, who is going to choose me? If there is somebody out there that can overlook the fact that I obviously couldn’t do marriage right – if there really is such a guy then I am going to need all the assurances in the world from you that it is your hand guiding the relationship”. Not mine. Not this mythical guy’s. Not any human hand. Then I decided to lay out my fleece just like Gideon did.

1.) He must love the Lord above all else.
2.) He must never have been married before – I have enough baggage for two.
3.) He must not have any children of his own – my children need undivided attention and loyalty
4.) He must not call me or ask me out until 18 months after the end of my marriage.

I thought I had made the list so impossible that I wouldn’t have to worry. I would accept my single state and not have to take a chance on love again because well, God didn’t send me anyone that met the requirements. Let’s face it, a man with no kids and no prior marriage at the late 30’s age point?? Most of those that were still single were single for a reason, people!

Aaaahhh, but my God is so big.

To be continued…………..

And so the story goes on.....

Remember the rule based religion I talked about earlier – I was finding that doing the right thing didn’t necessarily means I would get the right results. It didn’t protect me and you know what? It didn’t comfort me either. The first lesson God wanted me to learn was that He alone had power over the storm. He didn’t cause the storm but he was in control of it and he knew Michelle’s boat was rocking but not upside down. The second lesson and probably the most important was the hardest for me to accept. God had people all over that little community of 3500 that didn’t show up to the same building I did on Sunday morning. I know for some of you that is hard to understand why it came as a surprise to me. But for my time in the world it was a huge revelation and one I didn’t accept easily. There were great birthing pains as my faith stretched before I could wholeheartedly believe and accept that. Even that I had to learn the hard way though. The church we had worked with were grieving, in shock themselves and most believed (and told me) that I should leave. Only when it was those in other faith groups who sat with me, cried with me, made sure I had a place to go on holidays, who told me they were fasting for me. Only then did I accept and believe that I was receiving the love of Jesus from people who months before I would not have fellowshipped. Accepting their love for God provided me with the greatest freedom of all…I wasn’t their judge and in freeing myself from that responsibility I received even greater freedom. The freedom to make mistakes myself. I finally was free to admit I didn’t and couldn’t get it all right. And that was ALL RIGHT! The greatest lesson I learned during the storm was if I kept my eyes on Jesus the storm wasn’t as frightening. If I took my eyes off him I saw the waves just like Peter – but when I was keeping my eyes on him life was euphoric. My faith grew by leaps and bounds. God’s word became real and active. He met me where I needed him. With whatever I needed. With all I needed. For perhaps the first time I understood that God was actively involved in my life and He was really REAL. He wasn’t some judge far off but a father very near. God saw me through that first real storm of my life. I am ashamed and sorry to admit that up until this time I had been absolutely faithful in my service to God. I had been teaching Sunday school since I was 14 years old. I held teacher-training workshops and tried to teach other women to love Bible class teaching as much as I did. I went on mission trips. I was THE preacher’s wife for goodness sake….and yet I didn’t really know God. I knew all about him. But I didn’t know him. I replaced my idolization of my husband and other men of God with an idolization of the only one worthy of my worship. I wish I had time to share this part of my story. Of the ways I would pray a prayer for a specific need and a few hours later I would get a phone call that would begin with “Michelle, you don’t know me but…” Every single need. I had no job history, no marketable skills and yet we were provided for the entire time I was a single mom. I ended up with my own business that was exactly my skill set and I was able to provide food, clothing and shelter for my family. The fact that any of this happened and that I was able to do any of it is proof positive that God was in control of the storm. None of what was accomplished during that time was me…none.

Difference Maker # 3 & 4

This post will actually be about two women, neither of which I knew well. This goes to show how profound an impact you can have on someone whom you may not really know. As a matter of fact' as I am typing this post for the life of me I can't even remember one of the lady's name. That speaks far more to my failing memory than to her impact, however.

The time was the summer of 1991. I was a devastated, terrified, blubbering mess. John had just moved out - I was a single mom of 3 hurting kids and I had never worked outside my home. There weren't many job openings for jilted preacher's wives and I had no idea what I was going to do. The church was pretty pointed about letting me know that I didn't belong there anymore and they would do just about anything they could to help me leave that little community. I was in no shape to make those kinds of decisions and how could I take my children away from the only home they had ever known when they were already suffering so many changes? So, I was alone. No husband, no church family, no home and no job. Vanessa (little sis) had come to Spearman and taken me back to Abilene to her home. It was a Wednesday night and she was at church - I was at home crying my eyes out still. It was raining like crazy - thunder and lightening almost constant. The phone rings and a voice on the other end of the line says "Michelle, you don't know me but...." This lady in Spearman that I had never met had gone to the trouble of tracking me down to call me. She said, "I've been praying for you and I want to talk to you about what you are going to do next." She operated a day care center in her home and her husband was being transferred to Colorado. She wanted to give me her business. She asked that I come over to her house when I returned home. I was so touched that someone would go to that much trouble when they didn't know me at all but I didn't seriously consider her offer. Not because it wasn't enticing but because I was a total mental case. I couldn't decide what to eat or wear at that point. Weeks later I was back in Spearman when she called again and asked me to come to her house. I did and she opened up her books, showed me how much money she made - the works. She then pulled out a bunch of paperwork from the government and said "In order for you to be a registered care giver you need to fill these out and register w/ the state. I've taken the liberty of paying the fee for you already - you just need to sign." I left there thinking maybe we wouldn't starve to death after all but still not sure I wanted or could do this. It was that very same week that my phone rang again. "Michelle? You don't know me but my name is DB and I run Snoopy's. I'd like to talk to you about that. Could you come over?" Snoopy's was the town's only day care in a stand alone facility. It was on the same block as my house and I walked down the alley and was there in a few minutes. She opened up her books and said "I've been wanting to open a bakery for years and I think the time to do that is now. I'd like to give you my business. I've talked w/ my husband and we'd like to offer you the building for a year rent free. After 6 months you could begin paying the utilities and then next year you could pay rent too. I want to give you my clients as well."

Okay, Lord. I get it. I'm going into the day care business. It's no accident that day care was and remains, a passion. I just connect to little kids and I love them to death. So was it all one big luck of the draw that the one career I didn't need anything for except the skills I already possessed was being handed to me, not once but twice? At one time I might have actually believed that. But no more. God was so faithful. He's faithful to me always - but in those days I was privileged to witness it in dramatic, way out of the box ways. God took two women I didn't know and who shared faith in him that was expressed in vastly different ways but they united to bless me and my family. They taught me that God was still very active in the lives of his people and he was going to go with Matt, Tyler, Katie & I as we walked the lonely road that we had been dropped off on.

I opened that day care business licensed to care for 12 kids. I had 12 clients on opening day and I had 12 clients a year and a half later when I moved away. We were amply, abundantly provided for and never, ever once did I worry about money.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen" (Ephesians 3:19-20)