A find

I got an iPod last year -- I asked for a little Nano. My sweet husband in his typical go-one-better mode got me a 30g iPod and I have still not even begun to really utilize it. Katie is constantly telling me how I need to trade with her and take her Nano because I don't fully utilize what I have. While that's true, I'm keeping mine. I know how to download music and I have had more fun with that - you'll find the craziest mish-mash of songs on the thing. Lots of Casting Crowns because they are my favorite - but I have also got Plaine White T's, All American Rejects, Carrie Underwood, Johnny Cash, Norm Greenbaum, Sting, Gary Allan....see? I'm quite a versatile girl!!

But I finally got with the whole Podcast program yesterday. I couldn't imagine why one would want to do that but my good friend Shirley convinced me I did, indeed want to do just that. She sent me to the best website -- http://www.oneplace.com/ . There is a ton of great lessons from all sorts of great Bible teachers. I subscribed to a couple of Podcasts. Don't quote me on this one because I really don't have a clue but I THINK that means I'm going to get their broadcast every day. I subscribed to Jack Graham (minister at Prestonwood Baptist in Dallas) and also Chip Ingram. Then I got single lessons by Alistair Begge, Beth Moore, Max Lucado, Dr. Gene Getz and Ravi Zacharias. Maybe more. It was an awesome ride to work this morning -- such a better use of my travel time. Thank you Shirley for the referral!!

And finally ----------Happy Valentine's Day!

Delete, delete

Yesterday in Bible class the teacher gave an illustration that I won't soon forget. He was speaking my language and it brought the point home to me in a way that meant something tangible in my life. We have been studying covenant and what it means in relationship. Yesterday the text was Hebrews 7, 8 & 9.

I live and die by email. I have got folders and subfolders and sub-sub folders. Whenever I get my inbox down to under a 100 messages I feel like things are under control. I file things in separate folders or I decide that I don't need that anymore so I delete it. I do not have Outlook set up to where my sent box and my deleted folder automatically deletes when I log out. Oh no. That would be tragic. Any numbers of times I've found myself going through the sent folder and then the delete folder trying to find something I sent or that was sent me. So, although I have deleted something, I haven't really deleted it.

There comes a time however that I have to go through the sent file and the delete file and really delete things. My inbox is reaching the maximum size and I can't send any more emails until I dump something. So I go into my delete folder and look at the messages...mmmmm...I might still need this info and so I pass over it. I come to something that I don't need anymore, I don't want and know I am never going to be required to have that data again. So then I delete delete it. It is gone.

That's what God says He does with my sins. In Hebrews 8:12 we can read:

"For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

God delete-deletes my sins. They are gone. Not even the FBI can find them on the hard drive of my life. I love it when an illustration hits me right where I live. Everytime I hit delete now I'm going to remember that God has a big delete key that He built in and chooses to use it for me.

Up and going

I'm back among the land of the living and trying to get caught up on everything.

As I was walking to the cafeteria yesterday a thought popped into my head that was a powerful reminder of the purpose of events in my life. As well, a reminder of the importance of recognizing God at work in my life. The verse that came to mind was in John 9....the story of the man who was blind from birth. Jesus healed him and his disciples question was "Who sinned that this man was born blind? Him or his parents?"

How very human! The immediate thought when something catastrophic happens is "What did I (or they) do wrong?" I love Jesus's answer: "No one sinned. This happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." The Amplified Bible goes further - that the work of God would be illustrated in his life. It caused me to look backwards at all the things that have taken place in my time on this earth and think "Okay, was the work of God illustrated by my response to the trial?" I think most of the time we have a choice as to whether or not there is any positive illustrating going on. There are times when the Father chooses to work in a miraculous way that is completely separate and apart from any assistance on our part. But as a general rule, God works and we respond...and our response illustrates God's work or it denies it. It brought to my mind that old hymn that I used to see in the old song book -- "You may be the only Bible the world ever reads." I don't know that song but the words are some powerful words.

How I long to illustrate God's work! May He grant me the grace and wisdom to remember that when life hits me up side the head.

Woe is me

Heroes

It's been a while since I have blogged about my heroes. I have a new one that I want to introduce you to. I have been blessed to know a few people who, though years and years younger than I am, are giants of faith. These young people just seemed to get it, you know? Their spiritual maturity surpasses that of many adults and you just walk away humbled for having been with them.

When we moved to Spearman to work with the church there was a young girl in the youth group that was exactly the kind of person I am talking about. She had a depth and a spark in her that just would not be dimmed. She was as cute as could be, and equally as sweet. She was an absolute delight. I still have a letter that she wrote to me when my husband left me and I was just falling apart at the seams. I asked her "What good could possibly come from this?" and she wrote me the most wonderful letter. She listed several things that could come from the mess if I trusted God to lead me through. Good grief I don't think the girl could have been more than twenty years old! She lost her mom during that time after a very sudden and short illness. Here she is, in college, her mom has just died and she is writing me giving me comfort about my life. Oh Jan, oh Jan -- what a gift the Lord gave me when He let our paths cross.

As things go, years passed and I lost touch. I loosely kept track of her because she was the same age as one of my good friend's daughter. I knew that she had married. This past year I got the news that her husband had died. I was heart broken for her -- got her address and then promptly lost it. Out of the clear blue sky several weeks ago she emailed me after having gotten my email address from my friend. She gave me the link to her blog so I could read what had happened in her life. I couldn't tear myself away - her writing is fantastic (she does it for a living and you can tell) but the awesome part was the story of her faith during the valley of the shadow of death through which she was forced to walk. Now she finds herself a widow and experiences all the feelings that you would expect but continually she lets God lead and gives Him the glory for the little things. Go check her out at Just Jan. I just know you are going to love her to death and be as humbled as I am.

I love you sweet friend!!!

Just Another Wrinkle Closer to Jesus

I found this today and loved it. It puts the view from my mirror in better perspective!! Hope you enjoy...........

Faithlessness

One of the things that has always just appalled me about the Israelites was how quickly they forgot God. If I had just watched a swarm of grasshoppers come through and destroy everything in their path, water turn to blood, and then turn around to see an entire army be swallowed up by water that just moments before had not been there wouldn't I have been more faithful??? Wouldn't I have had complete faith that God was going to take care of me out there in the desert when I had just witnessed such incredible displays of his power? You wouldn't catch me grumbling that slavery was better than freedom and I should never have left Egypt. You wouldn't see me griping that I was sick and tired of manna that was just falling from the heavens to feed me.

That's what I always say. How could the Israelites been so forgetful? How could they be so ungrateful? They had seen God's power and might with their own eyes and still they fumbled the ball. They wanted freedom all right, but they wanted freedom on their own terms.

About 72 seconds after I shake my head at their appalling lack of faith there's that little voice inside my head that says "Excuse me, Michelle -- can I point out that you_____" fill in the blank with whatever faithless behavior I have recently displayed. How can I be so forgetful? God has never failed to show me that He's in control. He has a plan. He knows what I need. Reflection forces me to acknowledge just how many times I am exactly like the faithless Israelites. God doesn't do what I'm asking. He doesn't show up in the way I have predetermined is best. He allows struggles and disappointments that just don't seem at all necessary. Invariably He puts someone, something in my path that calls for accountability and I am humbled again. Please, Lord, help me remove this sense of entitlement that rears its ugly head. That thing that causes me to think that I've been faithful and so you should work this out the way I believe best. Oh I can so, so, so understand the frightened father's confession to Jesus, "Lord I believe! Help my unbelief."

Oh me...........time flies

Goodness, time is getting away from me. All my good intentions----here it is January 17 and over a week since I last posted. I should have made a New Year's resolution about being busy. I just don't know how to cut things out of the schedule when they are all good things. Of course if I didn't have to work things would be so much easier don't you know? Since that isn't an option I'm going to have to draw up a new plan. Right now here is the week schedule:

Sunday night - Small Group
Monday night - Beth Moore "A Woman's Heart" study
Tuesday night - Families Anonymous
Wednesday night - Praise Team practice
Thursday night - Weight Watchers
Friday night - crash and burn
Saturday night - ditto

No wonder I haven't posted. Good grief! No wonder I don't cook every night and my laundry is spilling out over the top of my hamper. Another thing that crazy schedule doesn't allow me to do - exercise at night. We have a membership at the Natatorium here and they have all brand new exercise equipment. We met with the trainer and got all the settings done on the Fit Linxx machines. I've been twice. In seventeen days I've exercised twice. I've lost two pounds in those 17 days. Expensive pounds to be sure. I won't do it without WW though so here I am. Eleven down and twenty to go. I wish taking it off was as easy and fun as putting it on was.

Several things have happened this year that have made me think I should be studying Ephesians. So the verses I want to memorize at the moment are in chapter 1:3-11

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 4For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 7In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace 8that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. 9And he[d] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, 10to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.
11In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, 12in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. 13And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

I am blessed, chosen, holy, blameless, loved, predestined, adopted,redeemed and marked. What more could a girl possibly need?

Happy New Year

Well, I was determined that I wasn't going to post until I had my Christmas decorations put up but I'm afraid I will forget my log on before that happens. I do not understand how it was that I was more organized, more together when I had little kids than I am now when they're all grown and I only have to take care of me. Maybe I am just delusional and I have rewritten history in my head -- but it seems to me as though things used to get done faster with more planning and foresight than they ever do now.

Did you make New Year's resolutions? I didn't commit to anything which is the same thing as not making any. I very much want to be more dedicated to the Word this year and most especially to memorization. I started out last year determined to memorize the book of James. Yep, the entire book. I was rolling right along and then lost steam at the second chapter. I allowed Satan to steal that goal right out from underneath me. I won't start with such lofty goals but want to be more purposeful about my life and hiding God's word in my heart is a great way to start! I also want 2008 to be the year that I take better care of this house my soul resides in. I want to be a healthy old lady that doesn't look quite so much like an old lady and that's not going to happen if I don't get dedicated to exercise. It's just so doggone hard to do that after I get home at night. I give myself lots of excuses...it's so early when I leave for work and it's so late when I get back from work and I'm so tired and it's so hot or it's so cold. I've got an appointment tomorrow night with the trainer at the natatorium.....maybe he can motivate me. Sadly paying membership dues does not do it -- I think I went a dozen times last year. Sigh. I have no longing to exercise. None. I have a longing for blizzards and for fresh off the grill flour tortillas, for Photoshop and for a new car for Tyler. But exercise? Fat chance.

I also intend to be more purposeful at writing down the random thoughts that are in my head. Regardless of the lack of depth, insight and wisdom I resolve to write something....sort of often. My unwillingness to commit is appalling. I commit to be better.

Winter Park

As promised the pictures of our wonderful week in Winter Park, CO. We arrived there on Monday night the 10th. The weather was horrid -- behind us-- the entire way. Ice storms in Amarillo about 4 or so hours after we left....snow in Denver after we were out of it and it didn't start snowing until we had gotten ourselves into our condo. It then started snowing and pretty much snowed the entire time we were there. Thursday morning dawned bright and clear and we had lunch with Tyler who was working that day, drove off and got through Berthoud Pass and it started snowing in Winter Park again. We drove in rain on Friday morning after we left Amarillo but it wasn't bad and it wasn't cold enough to be a bother. So the Lord blessed us with beautiful weather, perfect traveling conditions and most of all a wonderful time together as a family. The guys skied and the girls shopped. One day I cooked the entire day so Tyler would have food in his freezer. I curled up by the fire and read...watched the snow...enjoyed the serenity. It's easy to see why Tyler loves it so - I'd forgotten how beautiful my home state truly is. I sure hate to be cold though. It was about 7 or 8 degrees during the day. That's a bit chilly for these old bones. The air is so very dry though and the wind wasn't blowing so it really didn't feel as cold as the 27 degrees in Allen felt on Sunday morning as I was walking across the parking lot to the church building. The first pictures are of our condo and the surrounding scenery. The pictures of the mountain and ski runs were taken on the back side of the mountain - Mary Jane and that is where Tyler works. One of those lifts that you can see was the one he was working on the day we ate with him. Enjoy the beauty!! Matt bringing wood to us for the fireplace: The gang ready to go skiing that first morning: (Katie went for a couple of hours and they made me come and get her. Like her mom she has bad knees, hates to fall down and doesn't like to be cold.) The Three Musketeers - happy to be together again: "Tyler's" mountain:
One last picture before we go pile in the car for a 950 mile trek home: Matt thinks the sweatshirt he is wearing is amusing. So I'll post a picture of my only grandchild at the moment. (Considering the very pertinent fact that no one is married, trust me, I'm not sad about that fact). The World's Greatest Dad is parent to this one: This is Abbey. We rescued her. She loves all of us but she is absolutely crazy about Matt. She'll cry at the door until he comes home and she lays outside his door until he lets her in.

It's about time........

I've secretly read Boo Mama for a long time and now am bravely joining in a bit of fun just because I love decorating so much. I'm sure I'll crawl back into my cave very soon.

I said I was going to post the pictures of my Christmas craziness and I am finally getting around to that. Next thing you know I'll be finally posting the pictures of our beautiful trip to CO and then who knows? I might actually go and put a picture of moi up that is newer than Kindergarten. I love that picture though - that girl had no idea what was coming right around the corner.

But I digress. I love decorating my house at Christmas. I love getting everything all spiffy and shiny. And then I get the decorations up and I sit back and enjoy them and then never dust again until I take them down. Yep, pretty much that's the story. Without further ado, welcome to our abode. See all those leaves on the sidewalk that need to be swept? Come in! I carefully planned this shot so that you couldn't see all the clothes piled on the bottom steps waiting to be carried upstairs. To the right is my living/dining room. Pretty much everything in this room goes out and new comes in during the month of December. Whew. You wouldn't believe where I have the usual stuff stuffed and piled. Don't be opening any closets at my house. Contrary to appearances in this picture the tablecloth really isn't pink. That looks awful. And the tree. You can't tell but the angel at the top is one that Katie made in Bible class when she was 2. They made the wings from her hand print and then her little face is the face of the angel. It's one of my most cherished things. See how the tree skirt is not actually under the tree? That's because the evil cat that lives here won't leave it alone. She believes the tree is hers. We always have broken ornaments at the end of the season. Okay, now let's go back into the entry and straight ahead to the family room. Now we turn around the other way and we see the entertainment center. My village had to go up on top -- Abbey (dog) would mess with it if we put it on the floor with the train (which isn't even out anymore). To the far right is my Boyd's Bears Nativity Set. I would show you a close up of that but I noticed in the picture that the shelf really needed to be dusted. There's a limit to how much humiliation I can stand. Before I show you my favorite things of all we'll peek around the corner at the kitchen. Just a peek, though! There is evidence of a daughter cooking and not cleaning up all over the place. Those are the kids' "real" stockings but they are felt and getting fragile so they don't really get "stuffed" anymore. This guy is standing beside the entertainment center. My sister made him. He was her first foray into clay. She's pretty amazing, huh? He is wearing a sweater that my Daddy wore. And he's holding an ornament that is a bear with a fishing pole -- Daddy loved to fish. Actually she made pretty much every Santa I have. And the snowmen wall hangings on either side of the fireplace. And the Santa quilt that is on my couch. Actually I think she and mom worked on these things together. Mom painted the Santa picture on the mantle. Here is a close up of the nativity set because you need to see one of my other favorites -- see the big angel? That would be Katie's handiwork from kindergarten. Before I allow you to leave you have to stop here in the hall and see my very favorite thing. It is dated and totally not the latest in decorating trends but I love, love, love it and it pleases me. I love the words. Good thing to remember!! Thank you for visiting. Take some of this candy off my hands before you leave.

Anniversary

Ten years ago this morning shortly after my Daddy looked at me and said "Sure, Hon" he slumped to my kitchen floor, took his last breath in this fallen world and opened his eyes to see Jesus ushering him into the mansion he'd lived his life to see. Ten. Years. There are times when the pain will hit me again just as sharp and breath taking as it did those awful days immediately following. There are times when I just feel incredibly blessed that I had him as a Dad, a hero, and a role model as long as I did. As always, I dread the day as it approaches but this year God has allowed me peace and comfort and precious memories. I thank Him for that. Last year, for whatever reason, I descended into a horrible black pit of pain and despair that totally took me by surprise. I guess it's the way of grief and goodbyes that are unfortunately a part of this fallen world.

I always loved my Daddy --- I was one of those obnoxious girls who thought her Dad knew everything there was to know and could and would make any and everything all right. There wasn't a problem he didn't know how to fix. There wasn't a hurdle so high he couldn't get over it. This my dear reader(s) was not simply a figment of my childish imagination. It was indeed, a fact. I remember the exact moment in my life when I realized I madly loved this man. It had always been there, but that adult "aha" moment when the emotion knocks you for a loop? I remember that very second. I was in college - working as what was used to be called a "Checker" at Safeway. (For you poor young ones, that was the proper term for those who checked you out at the grocery store. We didn't have scanners. We had in fact those giant cash registers with 100 keys on them. I was fast, peoples! Fast.) But I digress. In those days of yore, televisions had these things called tubes and when they went bad you had no picture. There was this big tester at Safeway where people could bring their questionable tubes in and figure out which one had ceased to work. I was working when out of the corner of my eye I saw Daddy walking into the store. He was wearing his work uniform -- dark blue work pants, blue shirt with his name and dark blue jacket. His ever present cap was on his head - pushed back and a little askew and he had his old wire rim glasses on. For no longer than it took me to think the thought I had that momentary feeling of dismay -- "Oh no. People will know that I have parents! People will know my dad is a blue collar worker." Before those thoughts were fully completed in my little brain though I distinctly remember being flooded with powerful protective feelings that would have allowed me to totally deck anyone who would have even thought to be critical or condescending. I stepped over to where he was and greeted him, asked if I could help and said good bye....it was the briefest of exchanges - he took care of his business, smiled and said "bye, hon" and away he went. I can't describe exactly what took place that day inside my heart - in that moment I saw a man. I was cut to the quick that for the briefest of moments I was tempted to be ashamed.

I didn't always make the best of decisions after that day - I know I wasn't always respectful. I didn't always cherish our time together. I took him for granted. But never ever again did I have a moment when I wasn't proud to be his daughter. He died without having much the world judges as successful. He never got to travel like he wanted. He never got his camper. He never even got to quit working until he was too sick to do anything else. He was just your ordinary man living an ordinary life in an ordinary world. I remember a time when our preacher had met a man at a little Mom and Pop grocery store. He was sharing Jesus with him and looking for common ground. He told the man that Daddy was a member of his church. The man was very impressed and I'll always remember what he said -- "That Coy Finnell! He don't even cuss." He was a man of his word, a handshake was a binding agreement -- he was a take-the-cart-back man of integrity and I want to live my life in such a way that reflects those same values. I wanted him to be proud of me all my life. I still do. I rested in his love when he was here and I rest in the knowledge that he is walking with Jesus now.

I miss you, Daddy. We didn't get to eat a Grand Slam breakfast tonight like we have been doing each year on this day (Denney's was his favorite place to eat) but we're going to soon. No matter what, poor weather or tight schedule, I take the cart back to the store. I leave a tip. I try to keep my promises. I don't even cuss. I think about you in your chair at 4:00 a.m. reading your Bible when I get up and curl up in my chair to read it too. I love a good joke. I play to win. And I miss you. A lot.

Oh, so sorry......

I have been computer-less for over two weeks -- the longest two weeks of my life. Well, they would have been the longest two weeks except for one lovely little detail. The husband, two Texas-residing children and myself spent a week in BEAUTIFUL Winter Park, CO hugging Tyler, skiing, eating, enjoying the gorgeous handiwork of the Creator, hugging Tyler, touring his new home followed by some hugging of Tyler. It was such a treat to be with him again, to see him in his surroundings, meet one of his bosses, see his apartment -- I can now picture all of that in my mind and feel much more relaxed and confident when I think of him so far away. He is so happy and doing well. Life is expensive as all get out (I'm still blown away by the fact that in SAFEWAY, mind you, one 15 oz. can of Ranch Style Beans cost ONE DOLLAR AND FIFTY NINE CENTS. Oh, yes it did. $1.59. I cooked and cooked one whole day so that he has a freezer full of meals & lots of meat already prepared to throw into soup or chili or stew. That made mom feel good and Tyler very happy. The Lord watched over us the entire way - we were ahead of all the storms that hit TX, NM & CO and our roads were clear. Berthoud Pass wasn't as scary as I had feared and we're home safe & sound. I have tons of pictures to post and will do so soon I think the computer situation at home is finally resolved.

In the meantime, here is my Christmas grin of the day:

Redecorating

Well, we are moving a bedroom from downstairs to the upstairs so that we have an office downstairs. Of course that is never as easy as it sounds because we have limited time to cram everything that has to be done into those hours. Right now my computer is residing in the garage. NOT part of the plan. So I have no computer access in the evening and am stuck with trying to do all my important and not so important business when I'm on a break at work.

So here's a quick update on our comings and goings: Mom is recovering nicely from her surgery - she is a lot weaker than she thought she would be but she is doing well. She is still staying at my sister's and that is a very good thing. Katie had a wreck on the North Central Expressway on Sunday where she hit a car, did about three 360's and went from the left lane into the right side ditch. Totaled the car but praise God is only sore from wrenched muscles and nothing else. The lady she hit was not hurt either so Katie had angels watching over her and I am deeply, humbly grateful. Finally on Sunday we are headed to Colorado for 4 whole days of laying eyes and hands on my boy!! I think he misses his mom and that has taken him by surprise but he is still completely head over heels in love with life in Winter Park. He's struggled mightily financially, been hungry and without gas but it all pales in comparison to his love of the snow and snowboarding and gazing at the mountains that surround him.

So that is life in our crazy household. My house is all decorated for Christmas and it's so gorgeous. I'll try to take pictures and post them....if I ever get my computer out of the garage. Maybe in January.

It's beginning to look a lot like....

I may get to the bottom of the dirt in this house. Whew. What a day. Nothing like knowing you are having a house full of people over to get you to notice the amount of dust that has settled on the mantle. And the table. And the piano. And the -- you get the picture.

Thanks for the prayers for my mom. She went in for an angioplasty on Monday and they ended up putting two stents in. She had no sign of heart trouble whatsoever and to find that she had severe blockage in one of her arteries and 40% in the other was a big shock. Thank God she had a cardiologist who wouldn't let an irregular heartbeat go. Since that is fairly common and especially related to stress it would have been easy to wave it aside. I'm so thankful he didn't. She got out of the hospital on Tuesday afternoon and I took her to my sister's. She is still there but more than ready to go home. She only lives blocks from my sister but it is more comforting to know she is recuperating under the watchful eye of family.

In only one week we are headed to Colorado to see Tyler!!!!!!!!! I can hardly wait. I'm going to spend 3 days hugging the daylights out of him. He doesn't have internet access or he could see what I did to he and the others. I wasn't sure if Katie would think it funny or infuriating - I was prepared for either. Fortunately for relations, she thought it hilarious. So I will close with this invitation to view our Christmas greeting.

Sunday evening

Well, it's Sunday evening and I'm ready to crash but thought I'd check in and remind you that if you could say a prayer for us tomorrow at 12:30 central time it would be most appreciated. Mom has to be at the hospital at 10:30 but the procedure won't begin until 12:30. I haven't heard the very latest word but I think one of my dearest sisters of the heart who totally gets me is going to have baby boy # 3 tomorrow too. Right here in Abilene! So hopefully I'll get to check in on her as I'm waiting for mom. Anyway, prayers are appreciated - peace for all of us would be a very good thing. Thank you!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We are in Abilene at the home of my favorite sister, eating, eating & then eating and that is because we have to get fueled for the shopping day that begins at 4:00 a.m. on Friday. I would never in a million years do that if I weren't with her - she makes me do crazy things. She makes me WANT to do crazy things. She has power like that. So I wish you and yours a very beautiful day with friends and loved one near by and time to reflect on all the blessings you've been given. If this is your first holiday without someone you loved deeply I pray an extra measure of God's grace fall down on you as you reflect and remember the joy that was yours for a season.

And now here's my Thanksgiving Day picture just for you:

And so this is it......

what's bugging me. I think it is the proverbial straw. I was struggling with the whole empty nest thing (can I say it again - folks it is HARD!) but I was beginning to see that there were definitely some positives in the situation - positives I could see myself getting used to. Before I had my self fully upright though I learn my mom is having heart problems and so on Monday I am going to be in Abilene, in the waiting room as she is having an angiogram. This came so out of nowhere that it has me unbalanced. (I know that my two readers would and could make a very convincing case that unbalanced is my normal state but I submit that is not the case. Always.)

AND THEN.......Thomas comes home to announce that he was told that very day just minutes before he was to walk out the door that his department is being cut from 6 to 3 and none of them are guaranteed a position - they all have to reapply. He knows for certain that the position he holds now is not an option. He's going to take a lower position if he gets one at all. We are in "that" age bracket -- when companies can hire someone without one ounce of experience, no wealth of knowledge but 1/2 the paycheck. And it's all about the bottom line these days. I know we are supposed to be ready for these situations and have the little emergency fund stored away for such a time as this. We don't. We chose to keep me at home with the kids until they were in junior high. A choice I would make again in a heartbeat. But making it on one salary in this area meant lots of sacrifices (again, made joyfully) but it also meant a lot of stuff went undone that could no longer be ignored. So we were getting to a place where we were almost 'caught up' but ahead? Not even in our dreams.

I know God has a plan. I know God is in control. I know that not one time through the darkest days of my life have I been abandoned by my Father. I trust that He is going to take care of us. But the unknown just plain scares the dickens out of me. And so I covet prayers. We have to wait for two weeks before we know anything. Gee thanks. But all day today I was remembering a verse that I have come to love - Deut. 33:27 - "The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms..." I can leap out into this unknown because underneath are the everlasting arms. I'm not going to fall far - and when I do it's into the arms of the one who made me, who loves me, who sings over me, who has engraved my name on his hand.

Now aren't I ashamed of getting myself all frazzled?

I think I'm back..........

My usual m.o. when an unexpected struggle comes my way is to withdraw. From my family, friends, co-workers and unfortunately, from God. I have this really preposterous thought in my head (that makes no sense whatsoever I know) is that if I'm really scared or concerned about something then acknowledging it - even to God, makes it real. As though the act of acknowledging it gives it power to happen. Worries spoken aloud come true. Hey, I have warned you before that you aren't reading the work of a logical, sane person. I have had a stern talking to myself though and am working to do the things I know help and working minute by minute to lay it in the hands of my Father and LEAVE it there. Through the years it has helped to have a place that I meet God so that just in the act of coming there draws me to the throne. SO here you go - this is my altar of offering. First of all my chair: (ignore the book on the left that has fallen to the floor and the order of worship that has fallen under the table):
Here you have a little plaque/picture thingy that a friend gave me when I was going through my divorce and felt like such a failure.
Here's my lamp - it's so very much not me. But then, neither is the furniture. The house this furniture belongs in would not have books and orders of worship on the floor. And now my old Bible, my new Bible, my current Bible Study, gratitude journal, 31 Days of Power and my prayer journal plus various writing instruments. And finally, before I get too cozy with the Word, this last very important item (did I mention I'm in this place while it's still dark in the a.m.?) I just noticed that my fine china clashes with the whole furniture theme going on. I told you it wasn't me.

Still on blogging hiatus....

but alive. Sometimes pain just has to be struggled with and the battle isn't quick & easy. This week began with the news that our young law clerk in Sao Paulo died in a tragic accident. He was someone I had been working with closely and he was just the sweetest young man. So, another one of those loss things that unhinges me.

Things in Colorado with my sweet man child are going well -- he's broke as the Ten Commandments but he's getting by and loving every minute. He's working a part time job right now waiting for the Resort to get in full swing - he'll keep it when it does and work after hours or on his days off. He needs to get his financial reserves back up since they are currently in the "I'd be sunk without my parents" column. We're going up there the second week in December so we'll have Christmas together then. He won't be coming home anytime soon. He can't afford it and besides that, holidays are big ski business. We talk frequently on the phone (and he does the majority of the calling) and he never fails to tell me he loves me and misses me. Oh yeah..he did say "I'm for sure coming down there for the Guadalupe." Translated that means, "I'm coming home the first of June for my annual float down the river camping trip with 496 of my closest friends." That airline voucher has to be used carefully and wisely you know.

God is speaking to me in this time of desert wanderings. Being on the potter's wheel isn't all that pleasant but then again, the feel of the Potter's hands on my life is humbling and awesome all at once.