Bear with me. I like to pretend that I’m writing something that hordes will read and be forever changed because of the power of my written word. Now that both of you have picked yourself off the floor I ask you to wipe that grin off your face and let me have my fantasy please. Today my thoughts are for the brand new mother who is holding in her arms the longing of her heart and is now suddenly PETRIFIED.
I'm a mom in a totally different stage of life than you now find yourself. I'm facing an emptying nest so it's been a while since I had one whose every need was dependant upon me. Problems change but one thing remains constant - you never ever quit worrying about them. So I'm not going to say "stop worrying" because I might as well say "stop breathing". I will say, temper your worry with confidence that no one on this earth knows your child better than you do. No list of letters behind a person's name or degrees on a wall is going to give some stranger more insight into your baby than you have. You'll learn there is a difference between that manic compulsion to compare your child's progress with every other child to see if they are doing what 'they should be'; and that subtle but relentless thought inside your brain that says something isn't right. Those letters and degrees qualify that stranger to help you find out that part but don't let comparisons completely unhinge your confidence and cause you to worry about things that just aren't there. Pursue whatever road you need to if you have doubts - don't give up if your questions aren't answered but on the other side of the coin, give yourself permission to trust your own instincts too.
And what if you learn there is something wrong? You are a loving, bright talented mom with a world of resources and contacts. Internet & blogdom have changed your world, don’t you know? You will deal with whatever comes competently and lovingly. You will grieve for the dreams that might have to change but you don't have to look far to see successful, capable, talented kids who are living with handicaps and enjoying life as it comes. Letting go of our dreams for our kids is hard - it's a journey that's painful - but that is the case whether your child is disabled in some way, or just doesn't do what we think they should do in their grown up lives.
As parents, part of our own growing up is learning that our dreams for our kids are just that.....our dreams. Letting them set their own flight pattern sometimes brings as many tears as it brings smiles. This parenting thing is a whole lot harder than anyone ever told us - it's a road that is sometimes straight and smooth and other times there are hair pin curves and hills and even places where the road drops right out from under you......but aaahhh the journey is worth it at the end of the day. Whether it's a baby's first steps or that encompassing embrace and "I love you, mom" of your boy-turned-man as he moves out of your house, your town and even your state -- those things are memories that you will store in your heart forever and will give you confidence at the end of your day that you did something good.
Gosh, I don't know if this says anything that makes sense or was worth reading but sometimes it's good for a mom who is farther down the road to look back over her shoulder and say "It's okay - been there, done that and it's all good in the end." And it's good for another mom to hear it.
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