Sunday, November 25, 2007
Sunday evening
Well, it's Sunday evening and I'm ready to crash but thought I'd check in and remind you that if you could say a prayer for us tomorrow at 12:30 central time it would be most appreciated. Mom has to be at the hospital at 10:30 but the procedure won't begin until 12:30. I haven't heard the very latest word but I think one of my dearest sisters of the heart who totally gets me is going to have baby boy # 3 tomorrow too. Right here in Abilene! So hopefully I'll get to check in on her as I'm waiting for mom. Anyway, prayers are appreciated - peace for all of us would be a very good thing. Thank you!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving!
We are in Abilene at the home of my favorite sister, eating, eating & then eating and that is because we have to get fueled for the shopping day that begins at 4:00 a.m. on Friday. I would never in a million years do that if I weren't with her - she makes me do crazy things. She makes me WANT to do crazy things. She has power like that. So I wish you and yours a very beautiful day with friends and loved one near by and time to reflect on all the blessings you've been given. If this is your first holiday without someone you loved deeply I pray an extra measure of God's grace fall down on you as you reflect and remember the joy that was yours for a season.
And now here's my Thanksgiving Day picture just for you:
And so this is it......
what's bugging me. I think it is the proverbial straw. I was struggling with the whole empty nest thing (can I say it again - folks it is HARD!) but I was beginning to see that there were definitely some positives in the situation - positives I could see myself getting used to. Before I had my self fully upright though I learn my mom is having heart problems and so on Monday I am going to be in Abilene, in the waiting room as she is having an angiogram. This came so out of nowhere that it has me unbalanced. (I know that my two readers would and could make a very convincing case that unbalanced is my normal state but I submit that is not the case. Always.)
AND THEN.......Thomas comes home to announce that he was told that very day just minutes before he was to walk out the door that his department is being cut from 6 to 3 and none of them are guaranteed a position - they all have to reapply. He knows for certain that the position he holds now is not an option. He's going to take a lower position if he gets one at all. We are in "that" age bracket -- when companies can hire someone without one ounce of experience, no wealth of knowledge but 1/2 the paycheck. And it's all about the bottom line these days. I know we are supposed to be ready for these situations and have the little emergency fund stored away for such a time as this. We don't. We chose to keep me at home with the kids until they were in junior high. A choice I would make again in a heartbeat. But making it on one salary in this area meant lots of sacrifices (again, made joyfully) but it also meant a lot of stuff went undone that could no longer be ignored. So we were getting to a place where we were almost 'caught up' but ahead? Not even in our dreams.
I know God has a plan. I know God is in control. I know that not one time through the darkest days of my life have I been abandoned by my Father. I trust that He is going to take care of us. But the unknown just plain scares the dickens out of me. And so I covet prayers. We have to wait for two weeks before we know anything. Gee thanks. But all day today I was remembering a verse that I have come to love - Deut. 33:27 - "The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms..." I can leap out into this unknown because underneath are the everlasting arms. I'm not going to fall far - and when I do it's into the arms of the one who made me, who loves me, who sings over me, who has engraved my name on his hand.
Now aren't I ashamed of getting myself all frazzled?
AND THEN.......Thomas comes home to announce that he was told that very day just minutes before he was to walk out the door that his department is being cut from 6 to 3 and none of them are guaranteed a position - they all have to reapply. He knows for certain that the position he holds now is not an option. He's going to take a lower position if he gets one at all. We are in "that" age bracket -- when companies can hire someone without one ounce of experience, no wealth of knowledge but 1/2 the paycheck. And it's all about the bottom line these days. I know we are supposed to be ready for these situations and have the little emergency fund stored away for such a time as this. We don't. We chose to keep me at home with the kids until they were in junior high. A choice I would make again in a heartbeat. But making it on one salary in this area meant lots of sacrifices (again, made joyfully) but it also meant a lot of stuff went undone that could no longer be ignored. So we were getting to a place where we were almost 'caught up' but ahead? Not even in our dreams.
I know God has a plan. I know God is in control. I know that not one time through the darkest days of my life have I been abandoned by my Father. I trust that He is going to take care of us. But the unknown just plain scares the dickens out of me. And so I covet prayers. We have to wait for two weeks before we know anything. Gee thanks. But all day today I was remembering a verse that I have come to love - Deut. 33:27 - "The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms..." I can leap out into this unknown because underneath are the everlasting arms. I'm not going to fall far - and when I do it's into the arms of the one who made me, who loves me, who sings over me, who has engraved my name on his hand.
Now aren't I ashamed of getting myself all frazzled?
Saturday, November 17, 2007
I think I'm back..........
My usual m.o. when an unexpected struggle comes my way is to withdraw. From my family, friends, co-workers and unfortunately, from God. I have this really preposterous thought in my head (that makes no sense whatsoever I know) is that if I'm really scared or concerned about something then acknowledging it - even to God, makes it real. As though the act of acknowledging it gives it power to happen. Worries spoken aloud come true. Hey, I have warned you before that you aren't reading the work of a logical, sane person. I have had a stern talking to myself though and am working to do the things I know help and working minute by minute to lay it in the hands of my Father and LEAVE it there. Through the years it has helped to have a place that I meet God so that just in the act of coming there draws me to the throne. SO here you go - this is my altar of offering. First of all my chair: (ignore the book on the left that has fallen to the floor and the order of worship that has fallen under the table):
Here you have a little plaque/picture thingy that a friend gave me when I was going through my divorce and felt like such a failure.
Here's my lamp - it's so very much not me. But then, neither is the furniture. The house this furniture belongs in would not have books and orders of worship on the floor. 
And now my old Bible, my new Bible, my current Bible Study, gratitude journal, 31 Days of Power and my prayer journal plus various writing instruments. 
And finally, before I get too cozy with the Word, this last very important item (did I mention I'm in this place while it's still dark in the a.m.?)
I just noticed that my fine china clashes with the whole furniture theme going on. I told you it wasn't me.
Here you have a little plaque/picture thingy that a friend gave me when I was going through my divorce and felt like such a failure. 
Here's my lamp - it's so very much not me. But then, neither is the furniture. The house this furniture belongs in would not have books and orders of worship on the floor. 
And now my old Bible, my new Bible, my current Bible Study, gratitude journal, 31 Days of Power and my prayer journal plus various writing instruments. 
And finally, before I get too cozy with the Word, this last very important item (did I mention I'm in this place while it's still dark in the a.m.?)
I just noticed that my fine china clashes with the whole furniture theme going on. I told you it wasn't me.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Still on blogging hiatus....
but alive. Sometimes pain just has to be struggled with and the battle isn't quick & easy. This week began with the news that our young law clerk in Sao Paulo died in a tragic accident. He was someone I had been working with closely and he was just the sweetest young man. So, another one of those loss things that unhinges me.
Things in Colorado with my sweet man child are going well -- he's broke as the Ten Commandments but he's getting by and loving every minute. He's working a part time job right now waiting for the Resort to get in full swing - he'll keep it when it does and work after hours or on his days off. He needs to get his financial reserves back up since they are currently in the "I'd be sunk without my parents" column. We're going up there the second week in December so we'll have Christmas together then. He won't be coming home anytime soon. He can't afford it and besides that, holidays are big ski business. We talk frequently on the phone (and he does the majority of the calling) and he never fails to tell me he loves me and misses me. Oh yeah..he did say "I'm for sure coming down there for the Guadalupe." Translated that means, "I'm coming home the first of June for my annual float down the river camping trip with 496 of my closest friends." That airline voucher has to be used carefully and wisely you know.
God is speaking to me in this time of desert wanderings. Being on the potter's wheel isn't all that pleasant but then again, the feel of the Potter's hands on my life is humbling and awesome all at once.
Things in Colorado with my sweet man child are going well -- he's broke as the Ten Commandments but he's getting by and loving every minute. He's working a part time job right now waiting for the Resort to get in full swing - he'll keep it when it does and work after hours or on his days off. He needs to get his financial reserves back up since they are currently in the "I'd be sunk without my parents" column. We're going up there the second week in December so we'll have Christmas together then. He won't be coming home anytime soon. He can't afford it and besides that, holidays are big ski business. We talk frequently on the phone (and he does the majority of the calling) and he never fails to tell me he loves me and misses me. Oh yeah..he did say "I'm for sure coming down there for the Guadalupe." Translated that means, "I'm coming home the first of June for my annual float down the river camping trip with 496 of my closest friends." That airline voucher has to be used carefully and wisely you know.
God is speaking to me in this time of desert wanderings. Being on the potter's wheel isn't all that pleasant but then again, the feel of the Potter's hands on my life is humbling and awesome all at once.
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