For this child I prayed...

Sunday morning I had one of those bittersweet moments and I got all choked up for a couple of minutes. There I was, sitting between my husband and my oldest son. I told you in an earlier post that my son was one of my heroes. I think anyone who battles the demon of addiction and comes out on top deserves our applause. But there I sat Sunday morning and for a minute I flashed back to how seemingly short a time it was that Matt, the little boy, was sitting beside me in church. It seems as though it were just last week that I was handing him a book or a He-Man toy to keep him quiet and now, here he is -- a grown man building a life for himself. I also mentioned in this post that Matt had gently let me know he was considering spending some time in Rwanda teaching.

Totally AGAINST my personal, selfish will, I did a big girl thing. I'm sure God was in the details. Of all people in our 750+ member church, we walked in right behind the female half of the couple that is going to Rwanda. Okay, Lord, I get this. So I introduced Matt to her. And she is so excited about the work and that they are going and she has to take Matt over to her husband so she can tell this man who is going to be the principal of the school that here is this young man who wants to teach. I didn't much like being a big girl at that moment. If it were up to me I would have kept those 3 apart for ever.

This morning when I was driving to work a verse popped into my mind. Unbidden. And again, I didn't much like it. I wanted it to pop right back out of my mind to be honest. But it didn't. It didn't go away, it just kept echoing. So when I got to where I could, I pulled out my Bible and read the story of Samuel and the verse that God reminded me of this morning. Hannah has taken Samuel to the temple and stands before Eli and says "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." (1 Samuel 1:26ff) A little twist of the original meaning came to my mind - most certainly I prayed Matt into existence. But God reminded me today of the hours of prayer that had stormed the gates of heaven on Matt's behalf when he was lost in the world of drugs and alcohol. The Lord certainly granted what we asked of him in Matt's life. And now Matt is preparing to give himself to others through his career choice. A mother couldn't be more proud. Who knows what the next year will bring? Matt may well go to Rwanda or the Lord may open other doors that He guides Matt through. It's enough to know that Matt is daily turning his life over to the Lord's care and guidance. It's enough to know that if God is leading Matt to Rwanda then He will give me the strength and peace to watch him go.

At least, I know intellectually that it's enough. I have a year to get my heart to catch up to my head.

Do you love me more than these?

We are starting a mission emphasis month at GO. Lots of things happened this morning in view of that fact. Keith preached from John 21 where Jesus asks Peter 3 times, "Peter, do you love me? Feed my sheep." Of course in very affluent Collin County the question of "Do you love me more than these? (in Peter's case the incredible catch -- and in ours - success, financial wealth, power, nice homes...) becomes a question that causes you to hesitate just a bit. Of course I love you Lord, but can't I love you in my nice 4 bedroom home? Or keep the six figure income...or the executive position...or any of these things that we in Collin County measure as success? Strip away all the pretenses and those questions get a little harder for me personally to answer.

But anyway...back to this morning. Today was the last Sunday that Joel, our intern from the island of Grenada is going to be here. He's such a sweetheart. Keith brought Joel to the front at the end of his lesson and let Joel share his response to the question "Do you love me more than these?". Joel is young - just turned 21. He said people ask him all the time "Why be a preacher Joel? You could be anything you want to be!" and he said he knew he could be a doctor or a lawyer and in fact had been offered a scholarship to study computer engineering in China. But he said "My answer is yes, Lord...I love you more than all of these." It was a really powerful tear jerker moment for me. Yeah Joel! You rock.

Then there was a combined teen and all adult Bible class today where Joel talked more about the island of Grenada and the need that exists for the good news of Jesus to be shared. Then Brian Dollinger got up to share he and Christy's plans for going to Rwanda. You cannot get into that country as a missionary - they are going to teach school. On the way to Jason's Deli after church Matt asked me, "What would you say if I told you I want to go to Rwanda to teach school after I graduate?"

And I remembered the question again - "Michelle, do you love me more than these?" More than having my firstborn son on the same continent as I? My first thoughts are "Oh no, don't ask that of me!" Then, I told Matt I would be so very proud of him if that was the decision he made...I knew he would be serving in a way that he would never have opportunity here. I told him I would cry because he would be so far away. So it was a happy/sad kind of thing.

Lovest thou me more than these?