Sunday morning I had one of those bittersweet moments and I got all choked up for a couple of minutes. There I was, sitting between my husband and my oldest son. I told you in an earlier post that my son was one of my heroes. I think anyone who battles the demon of addiction and comes out on top deserves our applause. But there I sat Sunday morning and for a minute I flashed back to how seemingly short a time it was that Matt, the little boy, was sitting beside me in church. It seems as though it were just last week that I was handing him a book or a He-Man toy to keep him quiet and now, here he is -- a grown man building a life for himself. I also mentioned in this post that Matt had gently let me know he was considering spending some time in Rwanda teaching.
Totally AGAINST my personal, selfish will, I did a big girl thing. I'm sure God was in the details. Of all people in our 750+ member church, we walked in right behind the female half of the couple that is going to Rwanda. Okay, Lord, I get this. So I introduced Matt to her. And she is so excited about the work and that they are going and she has to take Matt over to her husband so she can tell this man who is going to be the principal of the school that here is this young man who wants to teach. I didn't much like being a big girl at that moment. If it were up to me I would have kept those 3 apart for ever.
This morning when I was driving to work a verse popped into my mind. Unbidden. And again, I didn't much like it. I wanted it to pop right back out of my mind to be honest. But it didn't. It didn't go away, it just kept echoing. So when I got to where I could, I pulled out my Bible and read the story of Samuel and the verse that God reminded me of this morning. Hannah has taken Samuel to the temple and stands before Eli and says "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." (1 Samuel 1:26ff) A little twist of the original meaning came to my mind - most certainly I prayed Matt into existence. But God reminded me today of the hours of prayer that had stormed the gates of heaven on Matt's behalf when he was lost in the world of drugs and alcohol. The Lord certainly granted what we asked of him in Matt's life. And now Matt is preparing to give himself to others through his career choice. A mother couldn't be more proud. Who knows what the next year will bring? Matt may well go to Rwanda or the Lord may open other doors that He guides Matt through. It's enough to know that Matt is daily turning his life over to the Lord's care and guidance. It's enough to know that if God is leading Matt to Rwanda then He will give me the strength and peace to watch him go.
At least, I know intellectually that it's enough. I have a year to get my heart to catch up to my head.
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