It's a journey, folks

I had a co-worker today ask me how I could forgive my ex-husband. It caused me to stop and think about it for a minute. Truth is, lots of days I don't feel one bit of forgiveness. I have found that during those times the only prayer I can offer is "Lord I don't want to forgive him and so I'm going to have to rely on you to get me there. I don't even want to want to. " I think over the years I have learned that forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. Sometimes I'm at a dead stop. I've even put it in reverse a time or two. I've gotten off the road and taken detours. There are potholes and dips. What matters, I think, is that I'm on the road.

Any success I've had (and it's often pitifully small) is because of who I want to be and not because he deserves it. If I focus on that -- who I want to be -- it's easier. Focusing on the pain of what he did keeps me captive.

I have learned too that feeling isn't necessary for doing.

I can't do either one of them without God doing it through me...in spite of me.