thoughts

Well I've avoided blogging for quite some time now. Long enough to lose both my readers. I started out blogging just as a way to write down the things in my head. Writing for my own amusement for the most part. I thought maybe some day the kids might want to know who their mom was --- some day surely it would dawn on them that I was a real person. Then I started reading other people's blogs and I realized there was this GIANT world out there -- Blogosphere is taking over the world! And all of a sudden I started writing with the thought in my mind "someone might read this!" and the pressure started. I had to be funny. I had to be captivating. I had to seriously ply this craft of words. And the joy I felt was exchanged for pressure to perform. And I didn't want to do it anymore.

But I like to write down my thoughts and I want to write them down. I'm just going to go back to doing it for me and no one else. Let myself off the hook. I'm not the greatest most talented writer out there - I'm not going to have a fan club and that's just okay. I'm going to write for my kids to know their mom's heart. I'm going to write things I remember for that day soon that I won't remember anything.

I hate that feeling I always have of needing to be successful. The worth of my words is not measured on if I have a reader or not.

And that's what I'm thinking today.