Changes on the horizon

Well, tomorrow is supposed to be D-Day. As in DISMISSED or Delivered. Which one will it be? I honestly don't know - I think I'm probably one of those going but I just don't know. Tomorrow will be here soon enough. What does the future hold?

That's got me thinking about the past. So just for kicks let's look back a bit.

October 1968 - good grief I hardly even want to admit this. Forty years is so long!!!!!! I had turned 14 years old a few months earlier and I was a freshman at LaJunta High. I was still very scared of all those upperclassmen. There were about 800 people in my high school which was plenty enough to be intimidating to us lowly underclassmen. Finding my classes, opening my locker, trying to look halfway cool - those were the things my days were made of.

October 1978 - Much has changed in 10 years. I'm married now and officially two months into being a Texan. We moved to Texline, TX in August of that year. The little church in that town of 375 people was about 120 members -- the biggest religious body in town. Some of the greatest people on God's earth lived there - and some still do. We spent 8 years in that little community and I still think of them as some of the best and happiest days of my life. So many precious memories.

October 1988 - These 10 years have brought me three kids. Matt is 8, Tyler is 2 and Katie is about 4 months old. We are living in Spearman, TX where these people live. I haven't actually met them yet though. My days are busy, busy with two babies and a young man in grade school on top of all my "church" activities. I was still the church secretary and working hard to train teachers.

October 1998 - Wow has my life changed! Ten years seems like such a short time to have lived through the death of my marriage, meeting and marrying my new husband and moving to the DFW area. Oh me, what a change that was! This is the beginning of Matt's senior year in high school. I didn't know it until years later but he was coming apart. He had a sweet girlfriend, a job & a car -- not much else matters in a boy's life does it? It is coming up on the one year anniversary of my dad's death and I am having a terribly difficult time dealing.

October 2008 - Here we are. I've now been working at EDS for 8 years. We've been through 3 CEO's and now we have been acquired by HP. So far what I've seen hasn't been positive and I am mostly very sad. Matt is finishing his student teaching and preparing to move to China. Tyler is living in Winter Park, CO. Katie is here at home with some big changes in the future. More about that another day.

So much living and changing in what seems like such a short, short time. Never in a million years would I have pictured myself at this place forty years ago as I was walking the halls of LJHS. It was tough to see at the time in many instances, but looking back I see God's hand tracing through it all. What a life!

I trust God's hand is ready to guide me tomorrow when I learn my fate. Knowing that makes it seem as though it's not that much of a deal.

unforgiven?

We're going through a leadership selection process at church & for the first time in the history of this congregation a man's name has been put forward who has been divorced. I don't know the circumstances of that -- I know he's been married to his present wife for 12 years or more; I know he has a heart for God and for sharing the transforming power of His love in his own life. He demonstrates the fruits of the spirit, he's obviously well respected because he had to meet a certain percentage threshold of nominations in order to be considered.

It has everyone digging into the Word and that is a good thing. It has everyone talking and that is a good thing when done properly. I'm quite sure a lot of improper talking is being done too but so far this week we have had three two hour sessions where people could come and discuss their concerns with the present elders. I'm not sure how I feel about everything. Seems the older I get the less black and white things are and the more questions I have. If only this issue would have come up 25 years ago! I would have known the RIGHT answer and would have been righteously indignant should anyone dare see things differently.

But here's what I know. Divorce is ugly and painful. God hates it. It is not a part of His plan for His children because He doesn't want them to be hurt so badly. But he doesn't want me to gossip or overeat or be a drunk or a liar either. I'm wondering why we pick the one thing to hold up over all else as a disqualifier. Because here's what it feels like. I will wear the big scarlet "D" around my neck for the rest of my life. I will always be a second class citizen in the family of God.

I don't think that's in His plan either.

San Antonio

Last Friday I hopped on a Southwest jet at 8:55 a.m. and landed in San Antonio a little less than an hour later. Mom & Vanessa drove there from Abilene and arrived at the airport just a few minutes after I did. We drove to our hotel and were able to check right in. The hotel was beautiful - it was formerly the Alamo National Bank. I love old buildings and this one did not disappoint.
We walked our legs off and just had a great and wonderful time. Mom & Vanessa had tickets to see Neil Diamond on Sunday evening but I went home that afternoon. I had decided I didn't want to take another day off from work because I wanted to save my vacation for a full week in Colorado in December. We've already got our reservations at the same condo we stayed in last year. Their tickets were like 5 rows from the front -- mom was very excited and I think they had a great time. I know I came home and crashed - I was tired!! It was so beautiful. I love the Riverwalk - I want to go back!! Here are some pictures -- I didn't do a very good job at taking pictures. A couple of Mom & Vanessa ...
and the view from the 15th floor of our hotel at night....



I just love girl's trips!

Hearing God's Voice

I'm doing this study. My prayer is that I will develop the discipline of slowing down enough to hear God. I've grown accustomed to not seeing God in little things. It certainly isn't because he isn't there -- I'm just not looking with purpose. Especially right now when work is so insecure and unsettling I want to be more aware than ever of how many times God intersects my day. Tonight the lesson was a reminder of how often we are in the desert when we hear him most clearly. One more reason not to fear or dread the desert times. Of course I still do. But I'm looking for my burning bushes. I want so badly to bring glory to his name. When people are scared they are looking for comfort -- I want to be worthy of his trust in me.

Yikes

The company I work for was acquired recently. It came as a huge shock to me -- it's not as though we were a little mom & pop organization. Generally global corporations with 144,000 employees are the ones that do the acquiring. Up til this past summer we were. Now the shoe is on the other foot. From the beginning as soon as the merger was announced the GC had told my manager that she had a job. Yesterday we got the news that the Deputy GC wasn't going to honor the promise -- my manager is out. Since my whole job is supporting her it's a little scary to be me right now. I have no idea what the future holds but praise God I know who holds the future. I said 8 years ago when I got my first job there that I was fully aware that God gave me the job. I was a homemaker for goodness sake. No corporate experience. And I said that when my purpose was finished I knew that God would show me the next step. So I ask for prayers and good thoughts -- that I recognize the next step and that I remain the hand of grace in uncertain times. My manager was loved and respected by all and the news has come hard. It will be very tempting to join in the negative talk that has started.

I'm crying right now. I'm scared right now. I'm going to miss her. I am very sad for all the really really good people who have been a family for years who are being "let go" because there's "no place for you here". People who have given years of their lives are rewarded with being "let go". I never realized until now what a misnomer that is! "Let" go? There's no "letting" here.

I sound grumpy don't I? I'm so sorry.