No, I am not dead.

Not that there has been anyone anxiously sitting by their computer waiting for some astoundingly wise edicts coming out of my keyboard, BUT contrary to what might be assumed I am alive and kicking. And I haven't given up blogging. It does seem, however, that it has dropped to the bottom of my list of priorities lately. As I said here I am a glutton for punishment when it comes to getting myself in the big fat middle of Ladies Retreat planning. This year for some reason things just didn't come together as easily or smoothly as they have in the past (Satan trying to defeat whatever is coming) and I have been a crazy mess. Thank goodness it is upon us and if it ain't together now it just ain't getting together. Tomorrow at 1:30 begins the frenzied decorating, pulling everything together, getting situated, etc. so that we are in place to greet our arriving guests later in the afternoon. I am so convicted that I get too crazy about details but I'm not making much progress in the "Letting Go and Letting God" practice. I guess I need to practice more.

I have a delightfully funny and loving dear friend that is in need of prayers at the moment. Please pray that God will heal her hurts and the broken places so that she can be the wife, mom and friend that she desires to be. Her path to wellness isn't going to be short or easy - but with brothers & sisters in Christ standing in the gap for her it's a journey she can make, and it's a journey she won't make alone. I know I didn't tell you her name and that's okay -- God knows who you are praying for whether you do or not!

I got one of those funny-sweet emails today about "Angels Explained by Children". I'm going to sign off with the one that tickled me the most.

"Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead." Daniel, 9

Blahs

I have the blogging blahs. Nothing interesting to write about, nothing worth sharing. My mind is never still, mind you. But who wants to read about what is going on in that black hole? I think God is really working on me and it's rather painful. I'm so disappointed in myself when I fail to be the Body in the place God has put me. I find I am rather selfish and arrogant and prideful. It's not pretty. And how do I know these things? Well, aside from the rather obvious evidence, that is. I stepped out of something I had been involved in for well over 5 years. I had a prominent place - and I guess I got to thinking that I had something to offer that was vital and couldn't be replaced. HA HA HA. Joke's on Michelle. Barely a ripple on the surface - that's how much I am missed. I have really laughed at myself -- how foolish I get when I start thinking I am irreplaceable. God will show me just how much that is so. If I'd been more concerned about being the hands of grace to everyone and less concerned about being 'somebody special' it would have accomplished something worthwhile and I wouldn't be walking around with my tail between my legs. How I must make the Father shake his head.

I'm off to see the baby.......

Well, it's road trip time today. In just a few short hours I'm out of the metroplex and off to West Texas. Whoo hoo. I am going to Abilene to see my newest niece, Alyssa Claire. She's 3 weeks old. I haven't gotten to hold her yet so I'm off to do something about that. I won't know for sure until I'm putting the car in reverse whether or not I am going by myself. Katie says she is going with, but at her age I'm never too surprised to be cast aside for friends and important plans. I'll enjoy the trip if she is with me but I'm okay to go it alone too. God has been talking to me in my car here lately so I suspect I'll have plenty to keep me busy either way.

I got a Happy Easter email today that just cracked me up. So to end this very short post I will share with you my twisted sense of humor.

Happy Easter.

For this child I prayed...

Sunday morning I had one of those bittersweet moments and I got all choked up for a couple of minutes. There I was, sitting between my husband and my oldest son. I told you in an earlier post that my son was one of my heroes. I think anyone who battles the demon of addiction and comes out on top deserves our applause. But there I sat Sunday morning and for a minute I flashed back to how seemingly short a time it was that Matt, the little boy, was sitting beside me in church. It seems as though it were just last week that I was handing him a book or a He-Man toy to keep him quiet and now, here he is -- a grown man building a life for himself. I also mentioned in this post that Matt had gently let me know he was considering spending some time in Rwanda teaching.

Totally AGAINST my personal, selfish will, I did a big girl thing. I'm sure God was in the details. Of all people in our 750+ member church, we walked in right behind the female half of the couple that is going to Rwanda. Okay, Lord, I get this. So I introduced Matt to her. And she is so excited about the work and that they are going and she has to take Matt over to her husband so she can tell this man who is going to be the principal of the school that here is this young man who wants to teach. I didn't much like being a big girl at that moment. If it were up to me I would have kept those 3 apart for ever.

This morning when I was driving to work a verse popped into my mind. Unbidden. And again, I didn't much like it. I wanted it to pop right back out of my mind to be honest. But it didn't. It didn't go away, it just kept echoing. So when I got to where I could, I pulled out my Bible and read the story of Samuel and the verse that God reminded me of this morning. Hannah has taken Samuel to the temple and stands before Eli and says "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." (1 Samuel 1:26ff) A little twist of the original meaning came to my mind - most certainly I prayed Matt into existence. But God reminded me today of the hours of prayer that had stormed the gates of heaven on Matt's behalf when he was lost in the world of drugs and alcohol. The Lord certainly granted what we asked of him in Matt's life. And now Matt is preparing to give himself to others through his career choice. A mother couldn't be more proud. Who knows what the next year will bring? Matt may well go to Rwanda or the Lord may open other doors that He guides Matt through. It's enough to know that Matt is daily turning his life over to the Lord's care and guidance. It's enough to know that if God is leading Matt to Rwanda then He will give me the strength and peace to watch him go.

At least, I know intellectually that it's enough. I have a year to get my heart to catch up to my head.