Of dying cucumbers and Homeland Security...

I avoided it as long as I could. I tried to pretend it wasn't there. I prayed someone would do it for me. I wished for my fairy godmother to wave a wand and the ugliness would be gone.

It didn't happen. It was going to be up to me. Guilt -- the gift that keeps on giving finally got me moving. I cleaned out my refrigerator this afternoon. It was to the point that it was downright frightening to open the door. I half expected something not human to reach out and pull me in to the land where cucumbers go to die a slow green mushy death. There were refried beans in there that I had to hold my breath, take off the lid and dump in one swift move. I watched my front door, breathlessly waiting for it to be kicked down by a swarm of hazmat specialists. Would Homeland Security believe me when I told them that I was not getting ready to launch a wave of biological warfare?

Because it was easier to buy more than to see if you could find it in the black hole that was our refrigerator I have no less than 8 pounds of butter at the moment. I have about 20 kinds of yogurt. And no less that 5 different kinds of hot sauce.

Now I need to go lay down. I feel nauseated. But before that I have to post proof that I did do it. I really did.