Oh my aching back.....

There isn't any phrase that brings my Dad's face to mind more than the title of this blog. That was his phrase for all occasions frustrating or maddening. Traffic, relationships, kids, church woes - whatever. They were all met with "Oh my aching back!" if they rose to the "just too much!" marker.

However, this is truly an aching back day. Twenty two boxes, five tiles in each box - that is how many tiles I laid this weekend. Did I forget to mention one important detail? They were 16 x 16 pieces of slate. Each tile weighs about five pounds I think. This morning I was so sore in places I obviously don't use on a regular basis that I could hardly walk w/o groaning. My back, stomach, butt, legs and arms are crying uncle. Tonight I have to grout all 110 tiles and tomorrow I have to seal all 110 tiles. If it weren't for the fact that I am beginning to see a faint light at the end of the tunnel I would be royally ticked off right about now.

I'm tired. Tired of the mess. Tired of the complaints from the put-upon children who are inconvenienced by it all. Tired of not cooking (who would have thought I'd say that?). Tired of filling my coffee pot in the bathroom sink. Tired of dust being everywhere and impossible to stay ahead of it. Tired of thinking about how much money this is costing.

If all goes well, Katie-bar-the-door, the cabinet installers should be at my house Thursday morning 9:00 a.m. The template for the countertop will be made on Friday a.m. and the appliances will be installed Saturday a.m. I don't know how long it takes to get the countertop done - I've forgotten. They'll install the countertop whenever it is made. My sink is an undermount so they'll take that with them when they go. But at least I'll have a dishwasher! I'll still have to tile the backsplash and I haven't picked out the light over my dining table or sink. We're getting there!

But I'm still sore. And sick of it all.

Memorial Day

Take a few minutes today to remember the men and women who put their lives on the line to give you the freedom to do whatever it is you are doing today. We are so "rights-oriented" in this country that it is hard to imagine, understand or empathize with people who don't have those same privileges. And because we don't, we lose sight of what these brave soldiers did and do and get mired in the ridiculous party politics that make me want to puke. God only knows I hate war and I want us out of Iraq as badly as anyone. But I refuse to let the arguments over stay or get out, red vs. blue, Republican or Democrat take my eyes away from the brave selfless men and women who signed up knowing they could possibly die. Honor the soldier. Do not minimize his sacrifice because you don't like his president.

And that's the sermon for today. Please stand and sing. :-)

This sailor served his country in World War II. Unlike far too many who didn't, he came home. He married. He labored hard. He fathered four. He loved big. He lived well. Today I honor the precious memory of my dad.

Coy G. Finnell - January 13, 1927 - December 19, 1997

Galatians 5: 1, 4-5

1) Christ made us free. Stay that way. Do not get chained all over again in the Law and its kind of religious worship.
4) If you expect to be made right with God by obeying the Law, then you have turned away from Christ and His loving-favor.
5) We are waiting for the hope of being made right with God. This will come through the Holy Spirit and by faith.

Update

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So here is two thousand worth:

All good things come to an end......

and so it is with the fifty fabulously fascinating things about yours truly.

40.) I love to eat my steaks just one little second before medium rare. I want the center to be warm, not cold but I don't want it to be "pink" either. Pink. That's for sissies. I like to say I want to hear the echo of that steer's dying cry when they bring me my plate. If it weren't so early in the morning this post would be making me really hungry.


41.) I am afraid of heights and the older I get the worse it gets. When I have to go to the fifth floor to get guests I have to walk across this "bridge" that is obviously 5 floors up and it's just open space below me to the main floor and the sides of this bridge are glass. I have to look straight ahead and stay in the middle of the walkway or take a Xanax - one or the other. I hate going to get Outside Counsel...here I am trying to act all formal and business like and trying to lead them back to the elevator without passing out on that stupid walkway. Or trying to keep them from realizing I have the look of terror frozen on my face. Or keep them from realizing I have stepped in between them so they are now on either side of me. Hey, if this thing goes down I want to land on somebody besides myself.


42.) Here lately I have been growing concerned about my mind. I really think I've lost it. Why am I coming to this conclusion? Because I really honestly keep thinking I would absolutely love to have another baby...or three. I miss their sweet soft skin, those sweet baby sounds and the feel of them in your arms. I miss the wonder in their eyes when they learn something new. Then I remember that babies turn into teenagers. Which explains why I believe my mind has left the building.


43.) One time I was on the sidewalk in my home town of La Junta, CO watching a car blow up over and over - it was a scene from the film Mr. Majestyk. It was incredible to watch how it all worked. It was quite exciting - I mean this is La Junta CO for goodness sake. I was on the corner of 4th & Colorado, right in front of Colorado Savings & Loan. Someone came up behind me and hollered at someone on the street. I turned around and it was Charles Bronson. In the flesh. Right beside me. That movie was really awful but it was so cool to recognize all the scenery and know where things were filmed that we could overlook the awfulness of the movie itself. They actually filmed several movies in that area believe it or not. Quite a bit of Badlands (Sissy Spacek) was filmed on my former in-law's property. Eddie Albert and James Arness were there for some film. James Arness was quiet and shy but all the locals loved Eddie Albert. He just joined in w/ life in La Junta - went to the high school football game, etc. For the record - Charles Bronson - not friendly.


44.) I do not get my nails done. I do not have a person come clean my house. My indulgence? I get a massage every two weeks. I'm working to see how I could get that to every week. Aaahhh, heaven.


45.) I only had 4 serious boyfriends in my young life. Just four. But I liked at least a gazillion. I read that old adage "You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince" and took it to heart. My grandma used to tell me "Michelle, boys are like busses. Just stand on the street corner long enough and another one will come by." I didn't get to date until I was 16 so I figured I had a lot of time to make up for. I thoroughly absolutely loved my teen years. I had a blast. I have very few regrets, didn't do much I would be ashamed to tell about all these years later; but I had FUN.


46.) I have struggled with depression for 20 years. I say struggle because it took me a long time to face the fact that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that just has to have help to do its thing. I fought and fought the notion that it somehow made me weak or sick or crazy. I fought the feeling of embarrassment and shame. Now I say "what the heck??" If a pill in the morning helps me enjoy life like it was meant to be enjoyed then I'm going to take it. Right along with my calcium, Juice Plus, One a Day vitamin, Flax Seed Oil and baby aspirin is my Wellbutrin. Praise God for the miracles of modern medicine!


47.) I used to make all my own clothes. I only had one speed in sewing too - FAST. I didn't care a whit about how things looked on the inside so long as they looked good on the outside so I took every short cut in the world, never pressed my seams open, etc. There were many days in high school when I got up in the morning, decided I had nothing to wear and hurriedly whipped something up at my sewing machine. I made my first dress when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. I just sewed all the straight seams - my mom did the armholes, etc. It was just a straight dress (they called them "shifts" back in the olden days) but I made it myself and I was hooked on sewing from that moment on. I never had more than one "store bought" dress at a time I don't think -- I made everything. All my friends were so impressed. It makes me so sad that I don't sew anymore.

48.) I do not remember a time in the last 30 years that I haven't been trying to, about to or giving up on losing 'about 20 pounds'. For crying out loud, Michelle, just do it.

49.) Some times when I am quiet and still I am overwhelmed at how blessed I have been to know and love so many people. I was horrified that my life was going to take me out of La Junta Colorado and not only that, but I was going into a life that would most certainly have me moving around. And so I lived in Denver, CO; Flagler, CO; Texline, TX; Spearman, TX and now Allen, TX. In every one of those places I have left a life friend who impacted me greatly and I loved deeply. I might not see them again in this life (I sure hope that isn't the case) but I'll forever be in heaven with them. How differently my life has turned out from what I thought I wanted way back in those teen years when I was planning everything. God has blessed me richly.

50.) Number 50 -- what to say last of all? I think it should be really astonishing. This is something I haven't told anyone except my daughter and my husband. It was so painfully embarrassing I cried. So I need to just get it out there -- laugh at my own expense and give you a gloriously ridiculous image to store in your mind when my name comes up. This just happened last year. The most embarrassing thing ever. It was so funny I wanted to share it a million times but then it was also so embarrassing I couldn't. But now - for all 3 of my blog readers -- the unveiling of Michelle Collard's most embarrassing moment. It was Christmas shopping time. I was in Collin Creek Mall. Thomas was there but we had separated so I was all by myself. I had to go to the bathroom and I was in Dillard's so I went to the bathroom there. It is tucked way in the back on the second floor past little boys clothes. I was wearing a belt on my jeans for some stupid reason - it's not like they were going to fall off (see #48). Since I won't touch the flusher w/ my hands I always have to turn around to do it with my feet. Somehow in doing that my belt caught the toilet paper roll. You can see where this is going. I walked out of the stall with the toilet paper caught in my belt. I think I took a good 6 feet before it broke off. But did I know this at that time? Oh, no. I washed my hands, adjusted my hair and walked out. Picture me walking all the way through the boys clothes, the girls clothes, the jewelry, the purses, down the escalator, through the women's clothes and out into the mall. I walked down the hall into the middle, across the center portion of the mall, down another hall to J.C. Penney's. This is no short walk mind you. The entire time I was letting every single human being in the mall know exactly where I had been. I walk all the way through the men's department in Penney's to the escalator and I'm going up when I hear someone behind me say "Miss" and I turn around and she is pointing behind me. I turn around and there was my royal train. If God would have called me home right there I would have been so happy. But no, he left me there w/ a face much redder than my hair and complete mortification overtaking me. BUT, I'm a Finnell above all else and we never ever ever let on that we have emotion or weakness so I reach around and grab that t.p. say "Oh for goodness sake!" and walk nonchalantly into the ladies clothes. Where I call Katie and am fighting back tears to say "you will never guess what just happened." I didn't feel like shopping anymore. So I called Thomas and said "we're going home where are you?"

Now when I think about that I just have to stop and laugh out loud. How many people's lives did I brighten that day!!! Don't you know at least one million people called their friends to say "You'll never guess what I just saw!"

And now you know 50 completely irrelevant things about me.

Sigh....again.

Twenty seven years ago this morning at 11:00 a.m. John Matthew Scott made his entrance into the world. How could it be TWENTY SEVEN years ago????? I can still remember making that 36 mile drive from the hospital to our home -- absolutely scared to death. What was I going to do with a baby for goodness sake??? It's a wonder the poor child lived through our ignorant attempts at parenting. We were way too hard on him but he was loved to death. First grandchild on my side of the family and close enough that Grandpa and Grandma visits were frequent. Matt was the only one that really got to know a well Grandpa and he was the apple of his eye. Matt was so very good. I remember a close friend bursting my bubble (well, actually she insulted me and it was several years before I had to admit she was right). She said "Michelle, I need to tell you that Matt is really, really a great kid -- it's not because you are a great mother." I thought "Oh I'll show you." Then I had Tyler and Katie. Darn if Jackie wasn't right. Matt WAS a really good kid. Compliant, respectful, sweet and big hearted. He still is today. Someday I'm going to write a whole post about how proud I am of Matt the adult - but today I'm enjoying the memories of Matt the boy. He was and is as funny as can be and has made life so enjoyable. You are going to have a great time if you hang around him long. Because he was an only child for six years he was quite practiced at playing by himself and his imagination was great. One of my favorite memories was when he was about 3-1/2. We had taken the teen agers to a neighboring town for a Bible Bowl competition. When that was over they got up and announced they would have a Bible Bee for those who were too young to participate with the big kids. So they had all the kids under 4th grade come up. Naturally Matt was up to the front in a minute. He was a preacher's kid remember - he'd been taught the Bible stories all his life. One by one the kids were eliminated until only Matt and another kid about 2 or 3 years older than him were left. It was causing quite a stir in the audience - they were amazed at my boy. The question was asked and the other child didn't know the answer - it was Matt's turn. And it was one he wasn't sure about. He looked out at the audience until he found me and then he walked to the edge of the stage area and put his hand up to his mouth and whispered very loudly "What is it Mommy?" He brought down the house. He ended up winning and I still have his Bible Bee pin.

You've taught me so much my son. Courage, determination -- you've amazed and marveled me -- I've laughed hardest in my life when I've been with you. God blessed me above anything I could possibly have imagined that May 23, 1980. I love you, Matt.

(P.S. Who IS that holding my son???? )

Difference Maker # 3 & 4

This post will actually be about two women, neither of which I knew well. This goes to show how profound an impact you can have on someone whom you may not really know. As a matter of fact' as I am typing this post for the life of me I can't even remember one of the lady's name. That speaks far more to my failing memory than to her impact, however.

The time was the summer of 1991. I was a devastated, terrified, blubbering mess. John had just moved out - I was a single mom of 3 hurting kids and I had never worked outside my home. There weren't many job openings for jilted preacher's wives and I had no idea what I was going to do. The church was pretty pointed about letting me know that I didn't belong there anymore and they would do just about anything they could to help me leave that little community. I was in no shape to make those kinds of decisions and how could I take my children away from the only home they had ever known when they were already suffering so many changes? So, I was alone. No husband, no church family, no home and no job. Vanessa (little sis) had come to Spearman and taken me back to Abilene to her home. It was a Wednesday night and she was at church - I was at home crying my eyes out still. It was raining like crazy - thunder and lightening almost constant. The phone rings and a voice on the other end of the line says "Michelle, you don't know me but...." This lady in Spearman that I had never met had gone to the trouble of tracking me down to call me. She said, "I've been praying for you and I want to talk to you about what you are going to do next." She operated a day care center in her home and her husband was being transferred to Colorado. She wanted to give me her business. She asked that I come over to her house when I returned home. I was so touched that someone would go to that much trouble when they didn't know me at all but I didn't seriously consider her offer. Not because it wasn't enticing but because I was a total mental case. I couldn't decide what to eat or wear at that point. Weeks later I was back in Spearman when she called again and asked me to come to her house. I did and she opened up her books, showed me how much money she made - the works. She then pulled out a bunch of paperwork from the government and said "In order for you to be a registered care giver you need to fill these out and register w/ the state. I've taken the liberty of paying the fee for you already - you just need to sign." I left there thinking maybe we wouldn't starve to death after all but still not sure I wanted or could do this. It was that very same week that my phone rang again. "Michelle? You don't know me but my name is DB and I run Snoopy's. I'd like to talk to you about that. Could you come over?" Snoopy's was the town's only day care in a stand alone facility. It was on the same block as my house and I walked down the alley and was there in a few minutes. She opened up her books and said "I've been wanting to open a bakery for years and I think the time to do that is now. I'd like to give you my business. I've talked w/ my husband and we'd like to offer you the building for a year rent free. After 6 months you could begin paying the utilities and then next year you could pay rent too. I want to give you my clients as well."

Okay, Lord. I get it. I'm going into the day care business. It's no accident that day care was and remains, a passion. I just connect to little kids and I love them to death. So was it all one big luck of the draw that the one career I didn't need anything for except the skills I already possessed was being handed to me, not once but twice? At one time I might have actually believed that. But no more. God was so faithful. He's faithful to me always - but in those days I was privileged to witness it in dramatic, way out of the box ways. God took two women I didn't know and who shared faith in him that was expressed in vastly different ways but they united to bless me and my family. They taught me that God was still very active in the lives of his people and he was going to go with Matt, Tyler, Katie & I as we walked the lonely road that we had been dropped off on.

I opened that day care business licensed to care for 12 kids. I had 12 clients on opening day and I had 12 clients a year and a half later when I moved away. We were amply, abundantly provided for and never, ever once did I worry about money.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen" (Ephesians 3:19-20)

Nothing but chatter -

No news on the home front. Kitchen still pretty much like you saw it last. Well, not quite. There is quite a bit of it with nice white sheetrock on it. Not taped/bedded/textured. But it's a start, right? The plumber came and fixed whatever it was that was wrong that caused water in the kitchen sink when the washer in the laundry room was emptying. Not good. But I guess it's better to get laundry room water in the kitchen than to get garbage disposal gunk in the laundry room!! Anyway, that's fixed and he put in the gas line. So bit by teeny tiny bit, we are moving forward. I'm just very, very tired of it all. I need a vacation. How do I know this? Because I have no mind left. This morning for whatever reason that could not possibly be understood, I got out of my car, having left it in neutral w/o the parking brake pulled. WHAT ON EARTH???? I always put my car in reverse when I park. I always pull the emergency brake. Today - neither. And how do you suppose I learned that I had done neither? By the following phone conversation:

"Legal Affairs, this is Michelle."
"Yes, this is (somebody) with Security. Do you drive a red PT Cruiser?"
"Well, yes I do."
Thoughts to self: (AND YOU BETTER NOT BE CALLING ME TO TELL ME SOMEONE HIT MY CAR!!! )
"Well it rolled out of its parking place and hit another car."

Oh good grief. Thankfully, no damage. They weren't able to find the other car owner so I've half been expecting an irate phone call all day after they tracked him/her down. But, not yet.

I read something today that was just what I needed to read. So, if you feel out of sorts or like your life isn't blessed go here.

I got a funny cartoon yesterday. It cracked me up. There is a woman sitting in a chair and her head is in her hands - she is obviously distraught. Her husband is sitting in a chair next to her with the paper in his lap. She says "I'm afraid my mind is gone." and her husband leans forward and says "I'm not surprised. You've been giving me a piece of it for twenty years."

And on that note, have a grand weekend. Think of me, living in chaos.

I love this song......

I’m caught up in the push and shove, daily grind,
Burning time, spinning wheels.
I wonder what I’m doing here, day to day year to year
Standing still.

Somewhere there’s a teacher with a heart that never quits
Staying after school to help some inner city kids
A mother who’s a volunteer
A soldier in the fight
I can’t help but ask myself when I lay down at night

Did I make a difference in someone’s life?
What hurts did I heal?
What wrongs did I right?
Did I raise my voice in defense of the truth?
Did I lend my hand to the destitute?
When my race is run, when my song is sung,
Will I have to wonder?
Did I make a difference?
Did I make a difference?

I’ve been working hard to make a living
And forgetting what true living is.
Taking more than giving, something’s missing
Lord how long can I go on like this

There’s a lonely old man down the street
And I should be ashamed.
I’ve never been to see him,
I don’t even know his name
There’s kids without their supper in my own neighborhood
Will I look back some day and say that I did all I could?

Did I make a difference in someone’s life?
What hurts did I heal?
What wrongs did I right?
Did I raise my voice in defense of the truth?
Did I lend my hand to the destitute?
When my race is run, when my song is sung,
Will I have to wonder?
Did I make a difference?
Did I make a difference?

Composer: Crosby, Anderson
Performed by: Oak Ridge Boys

It has me thinking. If I don't make some changes there won't be anything to say at my funeral. Which I guess would be okay since there wouldn't be any people there either. I am so selfish and self absorbed. My intentions are great, but my practical application is lacking.

Listen to the song...it's awesome.

50 things continued

21.) I fell head over heels, madly, deeply in love in college. And being with him was more important than anything else in my world. Including going to class. Which explains why I didn't get my degree. I didn't end up with the boy either.

22.) I miss wheat harvest. There was just something exciting about that - riding in the combines, taking the truck filled w/ grain to town. Cooking all morning long and taking a huge spread out to the fields to feed the crews.

23.) My 8th grade science teacher used to keep a bottle of "listerine" in his desk drawer. I guess he had germs that wouldn't die since he had to sip from it all year long.

24.) I got pregnant on my honeymoon. I was certainly old enough to know better than that.

25.) I used to make all my husband's dress shirts and pants. Now I don't even sew on buttons.

26.) I cannot swim. Yet.

27.) I don't care about that either.

28.) My favorite dogs are Great Pyrenees.

29.) I could eat Mexican food every night of the week.

30.) I love the show Boston Legal. Denny Crane makes me laugh. I secretly wish I could be as outrageous as he is. Maybe I will be one of these days.

31.) I think Ronald Reagan was a great man.

32.) I love to vacation in Red River, NM.

33.) I have never been drunk. Never.

34.) I've had two black eyes in my life. The first one I got when I was 7 or 8 and was playing in a wagon at Grandma & Grandpa's farm. Second black eye was just a few years ago. Thomas gave it to me! That's my story and I'm sticking with it. Actually we were trimming trees and a branch fell the wrong way and whacked me good. It was really really really black.

35.) I used to spend hours playing Galaga on my son's Nintendo. I was darn good.

36.) I hate ferris wheels and roller coasters.

37.) Even though you have to be seen in a swimming suit in public, I love to go to the Schlitterban in New Braunfels. It takes me about 30 minutes to get over the humilation and then I realize no one is looking at the old bag because they are too busy staring at the naked young girls wandering around. So then I relax (except I never quit holding my stomach in).

38.) I drink my coffee and my tea straight. No sugar. In fact, drinking sweet tea actually makes me gag. Truly.

39.) My first car was an orange Vauxhall. And can you believe it? We don't have one picture. That car got about 50 miles a gallon. It was the greatest. No one had ever even heard of a Vauxhall and it was the only one in the whole Arkansas valley. Years later when we moved to Texline I met a girl that became one of my best friends. Her first car? A lime green Vauxhall. What are the odds?

And the list goes on........

11.) There were 172 people in my graduating class. I was 23rd. I don't remember ever taking a book home those four years. That means if I'd tried I would have been higher in that order. So I wasted what God gave me.

12.) I was a flirt in my high school/college days. I think I took that art to a new level. Enough so that I earned the nickname "Scarlett" (as in O'Hara). Liz and I set a goal one summer to meet 200 new boys. We did it.

13.) Connie Mack baseball was big in my home town. Also there was the Koshare Indian Kiva there - big in Boy Scout world. So when summer comes there is a gigantic influx of boys. Hence our success mentioned in #12.

14.) Paul Faulkner was the preacher on the Sunday morning I got baptized. It was one of those "Gospel Meetings" that we used to have in the good old days. All I remember is him talking about the crucifixion and I felt convicted that I had put Jesus on the cross. There were 13 baptisms that morning.

15.) My girlfriend that lived across the street when I was growing up and I used to go scouting the alleys for pop bottles. Those were in the glass bottle days. And then we would go turn them in for a nickel a bottle until we got $1.00 which would get us both into the swimming pool. Yes, it's true. $1.00 - 2 girls.

16.) Liz and I put 100,000 miles at least on our two cars combined and 99,000 of them were right in the city limits of La Junta, Colorado.

17.) I have never been out of the United States.

18.) I'm okay with that.

19.) I don't love flying.

20.) I am addicted to Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream

to be continued..............

Fifty things, part 1

Here's one of those blog things that goes around and for want of anything more interesting to blog about I'm going to begin the "Fifty Things About Me" list. I don’t know how long it will take me to think up 50 semi-interesting or unknown things about myself. I could well lose interest long before I get through. But all the drafts sitting in my postings are way too deep and serious for me to even consider at the moment. So...mindless and worthless information follows:

1.) I was born in Garden City, KS but have no memories of that because we moved to Colorado Springs, CO somewhere between my 2nd and 3rd birthdays.

2.) Our first dog was a boxer mix named Spike. I loved that dog. He was extremely protective of us kids. My favorite memory is him attacking my cousin's boyfriend because Spike thought he was going to hurt one of us. He just grabbed the guy's pant legs in his mouth and spun him around. I don't remember being a bit frightened - only incredibly impressed.

3.) I learned how to embroidery because my grandma did and I thought it looked like fun. So she got me my own hoop and pillow case with a pattern stamped on it. I'm sure it was a mess. But I had fun. The memory that stands out is the time I was seriously concentrating on my stitches and when I was done I realized I had stitched my dress to the pillowcase. I don't know how old I was exactly but no more than five. FIVE! Oh I would REALLY like to see that pillowcase now.

4.) One time at my grandparent’s house I was walking up a dirt road with my cousins - I was the oldest by several years. I was maybe 7 or 8. We came across a snake in the road that scared us absolutely to death. And what did I do? Ran like the wind!!! Leaving my little preschool cousins to fend for themselves. Poor Mike. I can remember his screaming to this day.

5.) My first boyfriend was a kid named Jerry who I loved madly....in the first grade. One time he even kissed me in the classroom and the kids told the teacher. My mom would never let me go over to his house and play because he was a boy and boys and girls didn't play together apparently. Probably a much bigger reason that I couldn't have understood at the time. Like he was a hoodlum. I know that because he left that school and was gone the next year. In 3rd grade he reappeared and we were in class together again. One day he didn't want to do whatever it was that we were told to do and he threw his books on the floor. To this day my knees get shaky when I visualize Mrs. Kelly stomping down that row and yanking him up by the hair on his head knocking over the desk and chair and pulling him up to the front and whipping him with that paddle that hung on the blackboard up front. And then, Jerry never came back to that school. I later learned that he'd circled all the way through the other 3rd grade teachers. They thought Mrs. Kelly could straighten him out. Boy, if that day didn't do it I imagine Jerry is in the pen somewhere. You can say what you want about teachers being able to paddle -- but I guarantee you that Mrs. Kelly did not have one single discipline problem the rest of the entire year.

6.) I like to iron. I’ve always liked it. My mom used to pay me to iron starting from the time I was 8 or 9. I’d still enjoy it if I had the time. But time is a commodity I don’t have anymore so my neighborhood cleaners get to enjoy ironing our clothes now.

7.) I think my Dad was the second greatest man to ever live. Only Jesus Christ surpasses him.

8.) I really, really, really miss Daddy.

9.) My first (and second, for that matter) cars were manual transmissions. SO I had to learn to drive a stick shift before I could drag main. One time I stopped at a stop sign and then couldn’t get the darn thing in first gear. I turned the key to off, got out of the car and walked home. With my car sitting right in the middle of the street. I was so mad at Daddy for insisting I learn to drive a stick shift. He had more patience than Job, I’m telling you. A couple of years later my little sis did the exact same thing.

10.) My best friend in kindergarten went to a different school after that but we reunited again in junior high. From that point on we were absolutely inseparable. People made jokes about never seeing one w/o the other. My favorite? “Michelle, you look different! Have you done something to your hair? No….it is your makeup? No…Oh I know now!!! Where’s Liz?” Idiots. They were just jealous.

Well, that's long enough for today. Thank you walking down memory lane with me. Maybe the next ten things won't be so long winded.

Sigh.....

Nineteen years ago today I woke up to a tiny pink bundle sleeping in the bassinet next to me. I had no idea whatsoever how much my life was fixing to change. I've learned the lesson that many who've gone before me learned -- parenting sons is completely different from parenting daughters. I've heard it said that no house is big enough for two women and there has been many an incident where I would have added a hearty amen to that. Exactly 19 years ago at 10:00 p.m. last night (May 9), Kaitlin Elizabeth (aka, Katie) weighed in at a hearty 8 lbs and 10 oz and was 21 inches long. She had blonde hair and blue eyes - neither of which she possesses today. Her eyes kind of change with what she's wearing - some days they're more green than blue. Her hair would still be blonde but she is currently sporting a brown/red color that looks very nice. Kaitlin came into this world a spitfire and has not changed. She took one look around and decided that from all she could see, no one else was as fit to rule as she was and so proceeded to order all events pertaining to her. This, as you might imagine, has resulted in more than one head to head confrontation. She's funny, she's loud, she's shy, she's a poet, a writer, a singer and as stubborn as a farmhouse mule. She's taught me that you can indeed love someone with all your heart and soul while at the same time wishing to banish them to outer Mongolia.

My very favorite memory of her is when she was just a little over two years old. We were walking to the football field which was across a park from our house at the time. I would take the kids with me and they would play in the sand pit by the long jump while I walked around the track. The boys had gone on ahead of us because we were too slow. Katie had to walk independently of course, without any help from me. She was noticing everything like two year olds do; and I was completely unaware of how precious this moment would be years down the road. I don't know what was going through her little mind at the moment that caused her to decide it was time to be a little less independent but that little tow-headed blonde doll looked up at me and said "Would you carry my hand, Mommy?"


We are, 17 years down the road, living in those same independent, "I will do it myself" days. I'm waiting, because I think it will happen, for the day when she turns to me and says again "Would you carry my hand, Mommy?"

The kitchen that was....

I'm living in my worst nightmare right now. At least, the way it seems at this moment it is surely the worst nightmare. WHAT A MESS!!! We are now down to bare studs. We learned after tearing the ceiling out that about half of the attic above doesn't have a floor -- so we see clear to the rafters at the moment. Well, we could see to the rafters if there wasn't so much junk piled up there. There is dust everywhere in the house. No matter how many times I wipe it off there is more the next day. So my new plan is - don't dust, draw pictures in it. I would like to think we are nearing the beginning of the end but I'm afraid we aren't even near the end of the beginning. This weekend we need to go get lights (like I care what the pot lights look like??) and hopefully, the tile. Apparently slate is popular at the moment - I've not been able to get it anywhere because it is sold out. We think we have located enough and will pay for it tomorrow so that it will indeed be ours. After the electric stuff is done and the gas line is in, our good friend Victor will come and sheetrock, tape, bed & texture. Then we'll paint, lay the floor and only then will we call the installers who will come and put in the cabinets, Home Depot will come and install the appliances, the countertop people will come and make the template, the countertop will be made, they'll come install it, then we put in the backsplash and FINALLY we're ready to have a kitchen. Doesn't that sound like an hour or two of hard work??? Ugh. I hope I get a kitchen before retirement age. I'll put up pictures so you can feel like you are really there. Here you are, looking north.... and now, looking south...........

NOW do you feel my pain?

The struggle remains...

Romans 8:28.

I honestly have grown to hate that verse or hate hearing someone quote it to me. I am so sick and tired of things working together for good! Because,

a.) I don't always believe it, and
b.) I sure can't find the good!

But the next verse challenges my whole attitude to change. It is amazing to me how a verse can be in your head forever and then one day someone reads it or says something about it and the verse seems totally new. One of those "I have never seen that verse before in my life" kind of experiences. . Suddenly you are challenged to reconstruct your whole view about a passage of scripture. That’s the kind of experience I had during a sermon by a much loved minister. Rather than stopping at 28 like we usually do he went on to verse 29 that says God’s plan is that we be conformed to the image of His Son. The idea that the things we are going through are designed to conform us, seemed like a whole new assurance that there was indeed a purpose and this is how good could come. Not that I am ever going to say " Oh thank you God that my kid has succumbed to addiction". But if in the process of loving an addict I am being conformed to the image of Christ then it seems possible that at least it could be bearable. My favorite verses in the Bible are found in Hebrews 13 -- many times I have said to myself "consider Him who endured such opposition.....for you have not yet endured to the point of death...." and realized that my trials pale in comparison. But the notion that they were conforming me was somehow comforting. It made sense in a new way or the light bulb went off or whatever -- but for the first time in a long time for a moment (and that is how I live now - by the moment) I saw the possibility of being comforted by the idea. I still am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am tired of living in my own dramatic version of As The World Flips --- but I must be really hard clay that has to be chiseled to be conformed and so I find power to hang on.

I was going through some stuff and I found the paragraphs above in an email I had sent said minister. I decided to edit slightly and post it today because in spite of all the “shoulda’s” in the world, I haven’t made much progress in the afore mentioned struggle. I’ve changed situations (my addict is clean and sober 2-1/2 years praise God) but the struggle inside me is the same. HOW CAN GOOD COME FROM THIS??? And so I see that I need to work at being honored when the conforming times happen. Not happy, mind you – people would have me committed – but I can remember who is doing the conforming and who is the one being conformed and feel God’s pleasure in the surrender.

Filters

Utterly amazed, they asked: "Are not all these men who are speaking Galileans? 8Then how is it that each of us hears them in his own native language?" Acts 2:7-8

This past weekend was the Ladies Retreat and I have been thinking about something every since. Before the retreat even began the retreat committee had been praying for the ladies who would be coming. One of my friends prayed something that fits what I'm thinking about now. She prayed, praising God for the way He works and the way he allows one woman to teach the crowd and 89 women hear the message in a different way. One message, 89 interpretations. Some were encouraged, some were convicted, some were confused, some were mad, some were apathetic, others were not moved at all. I have been thinking about how we all live with our own filters. And what I am convicted of is how totally not-from-God are my filters. The speaker shared a new thought I hadn't ever heard before - how we have to understand what kind of flesh we have in order to bring it into submission. Since our theme was "Jesus Take the Wheel, The Process of Changing Drivers" she described the flesh in terms of cars. The one I identified with was Annie the clunker. In her illustrations Annie was the most likely to discount any good there might be in herself, most likely to believe she didn't have any real friends, or that people wouldn't really like her if they knew her. When someone tells me something they appreciate about me I never take what they say as truth. I realized this weekend how that dishonors the one who made me.

So now I have to figure out how to trade up from the clunker. Not easy to do when you've driven this particular model for so many years.