Epiphany

Tonight I was in the car by myself when I believe that God gave me an insight into the heart of the most perfect of parents. It's been a tough spell in my parenting life, filled with a lot more doubt than confidence, tears than joy, and fear than peace. I've had to draw a line in the sand, stand firm and trust that God would give me the strength I needed. It is literally tearing me in two and there isn't a second of the day that I don't want to relent, make an exception or just plain pretend that none of the rebellion exists. As of this minute, I've had the strength to stand but it breaks my heart. Tonight I had my eyes opened to how it must break the heart of my Father when I want something that is contrary to what his will is. When I want something that is not in my best interests but I want it anyway. He says no when it is (of course!) within his power to say yes. I am not so presumptuous as to suggest there is any comparison to my feeble parenting attempts and the Lord's care for me. It was just that in that epiphany as I was hurting so much, I felt him say, "I know, Michelle. I know what you're experiencing." It doesn't ease my sadness any, but it comforts me to know that He knows what I'm going through. I am just so grateful that he lets me know that too.