From our house to yours

A Thanksgiving Prayer.......

"Dear Lord, we've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Thanksgiving turkey before us - a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird, a social being, capable of affection, nuzzling its young with almost human-like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family...Amen."

John 4

Scripture: John 4:1-26

She sits in the parking lot, eye on the clock, waiting until she’s sure services have started before she hurries in. Eyes are raised barely enough to scan the room for an available seat – one that isn’t too close to anyone else. One more week she’s been able to avoid speaking to anyone – or even worse, risk that no one will speak to her. She knows intuitively that healing is here; yet most often she’s experienced the very rejection she fears. Consequently, the walls are high and the armor is on as she circles the outer edges of hope.

The Samaritan Woman was such a woman. An outcast in her own world, she was even more of one in the Jewish realm. Jesus broke the silence. He crossed the divide. He provided her with acceptance – the one longing she tried to hide. She responds with questions of her own. They were a lot more about testing him than they were about securing answers. “Here’s who I am --- will you stay?” Through the years my daughter has played a game with me called “Would you still love me if_____” filling in the blank with increasingly worse scenarios. I think that is what the woman was doing too.

What can we learn from Jesus? He made the first move. Her questions didn’t frighten him or disgust him. He knew it wasn’t about finding answers – it was about finding acceptance. It was about finding God with skin on. When you see that person come in after services are started and sit all alone you make the first move. You speak. You draw them out. You show them that no matter what is in their blank, you will still love them. Finding a safe place where you aren’t defined by the mistakes you’ve made is what people are dying to find. I know. I was that woman in the first paragraph.

True friend

Money:

It can buy a House............... But not a Home
It can buy a Bed................... But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock................ But not Time
It can buy you a Book......... But not knowledge
It can buy you a Position.... But not Respect
It can buy you Medicine......But not Health
It can buy you Blood............But not Life
It can buy you Sex...............But not Love

So you see money isn't everything.
And it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because...........

I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your
pain and suffering. So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.
CASH ONLY PLEASE No checks!

Thought this was going be one of those "inspirational" ones, didn't you???

100% Texan

I have a "somebody just kill me" headache that's nearing migraine stage. So I'm taking the easy way out tonight and sharing something that tickles me no end but not created by me. Enjoy.

You are 100% Texan if...

1. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.


2. You use the phrase "fixin' to" almost daily.


3. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.


4. You've ever been excused from school because "the cows got out."


5. You can properly pronounce the town Mexia and Mesquite. (note to readers: MuHAYuh and Muskeet)


6. You can remember the name of the last state legislator to introduce a bill involving castration and he didn't mean farm animals.


7. You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway.


8. You can recall hot summers by the year they happened easier than you can remember your mother's birthday.


9. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.


10. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.


11. You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.


12. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at four way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other one go first.


13. When you hear a tornado siren, you go out and look for a funnel.


14. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.


15. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.


16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F150 4x4 is.


17. You know that everything goes better with Ranch.


18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.


19. You are 100% Texan if you have ever had this conversation:
    "You wanna Coke?"
    "Yeah."
    "What kind?"
    "Dr. Pepper."

I wasn't born in Texas but I got here as quick as I could. My husband and all three kids are natives--a fact that dismayed my dear Daddy no end. We were, after all, from the most beautiful and perfect state in the Union -- Colorado. He would be thrilled to know that one of his grandkids has gone back there and settled -- probably for good.

What's it all about?

I've spent the last eight years at a job I have loved. Oh, I didn't go into it thinking I would love it. I went into it terrified as could be. I had driven by the compound that was the company that this man built. Imposing, impressive...IMPOSSIBLE that I, middle aged stay at home wife & mom could belong there! There was a part of me that was delighted at the prospect - but for the most part I really, really didn't want to go to work. Unfortunately, we had given up pretty much everything extra that we could and we all had an affinity for eating so mamma finding a job was pretty much a have-to thing.

I've got so many wonderful friends and two of those wonderful friends got me a job as the receptionist in the legal department. Oh my goodness! I could do it!! I was good at it! I loved it! Eighteen months later I got a promotion and began supporting a super guy who managed the contract professionals in commercial contracting. More responsiblity, new things to learn, new mountains to climb. Oh my goodness! I could do it! I was good at it! I loved it! Eighteen months later I got another promotion. I became an executive assistant to the manager of the entire commercial contracting department. There were 57 attorneys and paralegals in Texas, Virginia, North Carolina, Michigan, Mexico City, Buenos Aires and Sao Paulo. BIG change in responsiblities---tall stretch for this stay at home wife & mom. It took me a good six months to feel like I even had my head above water, let alone that I was swimming. But then, oh my goodness! I could do it! I was good at it! I loved it! I was nervous about working for a woman -- unfortunately, we get a bad rap for darn good reasons. But she was fantastic. We didn't have a single solitary thing in common but the job. Night & day. But we grew to genuinely like, respect & enjoy each other. God wasn't a part of her life at all, He is my life. She knew that and respected it and I showed her that being a Christian didn't mean you had to be weird.

Then the big buy out or what I prefer to call a hostile takeover happened. She was assured she had a job so I felt safe. Then that promise was reneged on and she is gone. And now I don’t love work. But one of the by-products of the uncertainty is that I’ve spent a lot more time thinking about my “legacy” if you will – what will people know if I’m the next one getting the pink slip? Did I make my corner of the empire a better place because I was there? For the most part I work in a place that denies the deity of Jesus. Wonderful people – great friends but blind. Tonight in praise team practice the guy who led the closing prayer asked the Lord to help us show him to "people who don't know what Jesus looks like". I've been wondering every since then if the people I work with know what Jesus looks like now. So again, my favorite question from the Bible is ringing in my head "Who knows but what I was brought to this place for such a time as this?"

From the grace files...

It's been some time since I shared one for the grace files so today ends the dry spell. Not that I couldn't have submitted an entry before now but I like to wait until I have a really divine story --not just your ordinary klutz moment.

Today it was a little chilly when I went to work so I took a sweater coat that I bought last year. I got it after Christmas -- a Vera Wang marked down from $100 to $7!!!!! Oh I love good bargains. Anyway, ....I took my sweater to work. When I was ready to leave I grabbed my purse and headed out the door. I always take the escalator down to the first floor because of my little....ahem....claustrophobia issues. I had just stepped onto the escalator when I remembered my sweater. Since there were only 3 steps behind me it occurred to me that it would be a lot faster to go up the down escalator than it would be to ride it to the bottom and then walk around the atrium to get to the up escalator. I've seen people run up the down escalator before - doesn't look too hard. I have a 32 oz. glass of ice and water (we have that good Sonic kind of ice at work! ) and my purse. I make the first step and the second and I realize I'm going nowhere fast. And it's confusing to look down at the stairs when they are going the opposite direction you are used to them going. I misjudged the distance and got my toe caught and down I fell. Right to my knees. There I was praying on the escalator as it rode down. Of course I was facing the wrong direction to be going down so anyone watching would definitely have recognized there was something a bit odd. When I fell to my knees the water and ice went flying out of my glass. How it spilled out over the rail and to the second floor I'm not sure I can explain but spill it sure enough did. I imagine those people on the second floor who couldn't yet see me coming down the wrong way were puzzled by the sudden hailstorm indoors. My mind was set on getting up that staircase though and I jumped up took a flying leap and landed on the landing at the top. My knees were scraped up and hurting like fire. A quick glance around let me know that no one was around close and hope springs eternal -- perhaps no one witnessed the spectacle.

A word to the wise. Going up the down escalator is a whole lot harder than it looks and once you pass ....oh, 15, you're probably too old to try it. And that's all I have to say about that.

The Look

Life is hectic and crazy at times. At the very craziest times it's easy to be overwhelmed and lose the ability to see what's right in front of you. Many times I've been frantically looking for my keys and losing my cool only to discover the keys right there in my purse. The same purse I've torn through twice already looking. The same purse that I would have SWORN did not hold my keys. I was reading Mark 10 the other day and a verse struck me that hadn't before. It has always been there - but like my keys I missed seeing it.

The rich young man has come to Jesus with an important question. What must I do to get it? I've always zeroed in on the fact that the young man loved what he had more than that which he didn't -- even though what Jesus offered was far, far more than the balance in his bank account. Certainly I've exchanged that most precious of gifts for things of lesser value too often. But that's not the verse that stood out to me this time.

Get this picture. A young man who has everything money can buy. He's probably used to attention and respect - maybe even deference. Maybe he's already figured out that riches are lonely companions or maybe he's just not used to there being something he doesn't have, can't buy. Whatever the motivation he comes to Jesus and asks the question. Jesus knows he's going to ask. Jesus knows what he's going to choose.

Here's the key verse -- Mark 10:21 -- "Jesus looked at him and loved him." I was convicted when I read that. What about the people I work with -- those that don't know Jesus. When I look at them do they see that I love them? What do they see? What do I see?

I need to be seeing what Jesus sees. And they need to be seeing that I love them.

It's Saturday!

Matt is on the high school retreat - "Going Deeper". Not sure what his assignment was -- and he wasn't either. So laid back, that kid. I would have needed to have every single detail - what was expected and when -- but not him. "They'll tell me when I need to know." God is going to do great things through that boy -- what a testimony he has. Can we say "Proud mama"????

I bought my first Christmas present this morning. I found a fun clock on Etsy that I'm going to give Tyler. I read a good idea yesterday from someone about Christmas presents. She said she bought gifts for her kids in 3's....something they wanted, something they needed and a book. I think I'll add a fourth - something fun that I want to buy. So there we have it -- four gifts each. Perfect! I'm such a sucker for Christmas that it's easy to overwhelm them and myself and totally lose track of the bigger picture. We are going to Colorado again the second week in December for our last big family gathering before Matt leaves for China. So many changes are coming in the new year. Not ready to blog about them all yet but suffice it to say my life is changing in bigger ways than I can imagine in 2009.

Katie got offered a job yesterday. We are proud of her. She hasn't finished her internship yet and her boss knows she doesn't even have her license yet but he wants to keep her and so she finishes her internship on Tuesday, has Wednesday off and starts her job on Thursday. He can only offer part-time which is perfect because she only wants to work part time. She is going to start working on her Associates Degree in January and working full time and going to school full time seemed a bit overwhelming. She thinks she would like to go ahead and get her Pharmacy degree and working as a Pharmacy Tech will give her a clearer picture on that. Tech built a brand new pharmacy school in Abilene and that would be wonderfully handy if she decides that is what she wants to do. She can enter with an Associates so that is the current plan.

I wish I had something delightfully clever but this is all she wrote.

It's over thank goodness

I am so thankful that the election is OVER. I was unbelievably tired of the dirt slinging and name calling that we call campaigns these days. I think we should totally re-vamp our entire electoral process. Each candidate should be given one dollar per U.S. citizen. That's it - no more, no less. All have the same amount. There should be two televised debates. Nothing can start before September 1 of the election year. All ads - television & print - would have to be approved by an ethics committee. The committee would be made up of 3 people from each political party.

Yeah, I'm dreamin'.

I didn't vote for our new president and I'm not particularly thrilled he is my new president. But I will honor the office and pray for his guidance. In the end, God is in control and that's enough.

On the job front, no news. Still no news. It is getting to be crazy. I've been doing special projects for anyone who has something to do. I miss Debbie and my old job. It's no fun anymore. But I'm still employed and that is a huge blessing in this time. On the home front Matt learned that he will be teaching in Wuhan next year. Wuhan is the largest city in the Hubei province of China. It's all becoming very real and I'm nervous, scared, excited and happy. I know he's looking forward to the adventure and I am unbelievably proud that he is giving a year of his life to do something that God laid on his heart.

That's all for the updates from this corner of the world. How boring I am. I'm going to work on that. As soon as I figure out how to be exciting.

I've got my bad days
And some are even worse
I can be a blessing
And you know, I can be a curse
This is the real me
Am I the girl that you want me to be
This is the real me
With flaws and fears of intimacy
This is the real me
So now you see that I am far from perfect
I will fall and I will make mistakes
But I am here and this has taken courage
Will you abandon me or will you stay.
--Jaci Velasquez

What a great song to depict the fears we all have inside us. Will you still like me if you really know who I am? I’m desperately afraid we, the church, have been ineffective at creating a safe place to let people be real. Whether trapped by pride or by fear, we march into the building with our own religious masks firmly in place – entering hurting, afraid and alone and an hour later leaving in the exact same shape. Where is the blessing in that? I am convinced that so many of the grave problems that face us today would be drastically reduced if we were brave enough to remove those masks. Marriages would be healed if you knew that you weren’t the only couple in the church who woke up one morning and wondered what on earth had ever possessed you to marry?!? Fear breeds isolation and isolation brings spiritual death, which is exactly what the enemy wants People are hungering for the connection – they just need someone brave enough to lower their masks first. Let me challenge you to have the courage and the faith to be that person. Sin thrives on secrecy and shame – and every time we give into those feelings we are allowing Satan to have a stronghold in our lives and the lives of the family of God. I have discovered that when I trust the Lord enough to remove my mask, people all around me race to get theirs off next. This world is hard and we need the strength gained by really knowing each other. The first step is believing God loves us. Not just mental assent, but the deep down emotional connection – God loves ME! When I begin to trust that fully, I can trust you with who I am…and you can trust me…and together we build a safe place for those who are seeking Jesus.

“There is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear” 1 John 4:18

Changes on the horizon

Well, tomorrow is supposed to be D-Day. As in DISMISSED or Delivered. Which one will it be? I honestly don't know - I think I'm probably one of those going but I just don't know. Tomorrow will be here soon enough. What does the future hold?

That's got me thinking about the past. So just for kicks let's look back a bit.

October 1968 - good grief I hardly even want to admit this. Forty years is so long!!!!!! I had turned 14 years old a few months earlier and I was a freshman at LaJunta High. I was still very scared of all those upperclassmen. There were about 800 people in my high school which was plenty enough to be intimidating to us lowly underclassmen. Finding my classes, opening my locker, trying to look halfway cool - those were the things my days were made of.

October 1978 - Much has changed in 10 years. I'm married now and officially two months into being a Texan. We moved to Texline, TX in August of that year. The little church in that town of 375 people was about 120 members -- the biggest religious body in town. Some of the greatest people on God's earth lived there - and some still do. We spent 8 years in that little community and I still think of them as some of the best and happiest days of my life. So many precious memories.

October 1988 - These 10 years have brought me three kids. Matt is 8, Tyler is 2 and Katie is about 4 months old. We are living in Spearman, TX where these people live. I haven't actually met them yet though. My days are busy, busy with two babies and a young man in grade school on top of all my "church" activities. I was still the church secretary and working hard to train teachers.

October 1998 - Wow has my life changed! Ten years seems like such a short time to have lived through the death of my marriage, meeting and marrying my new husband and moving to the DFW area. Oh me, what a change that was! This is the beginning of Matt's senior year in high school. I didn't know it until years later but he was coming apart. He had a sweet girlfriend, a job & a car -- not much else matters in a boy's life does it? It is coming up on the one year anniversary of my dad's death and I am having a terribly difficult time dealing.

October 2008 - Here we are. I've now been working at EDS for 8 years. We've been through 3 CEO's and now we have been acquired by HP. So far what I've seen hasn't been positive and I am mostly very sad. Matt is finishing his student teaching and preparing to move to China. Tyler is living in Winter Park, CO. Katie is here at home with some big changes in the future. More about that another day.

So much living and changing in what seems like such a short, short time. Never in a million years would I have pictured myself at this place forty years ago as I was walking the halls of LJHS. It was tough to see at the time in many instances, but looking back I see God's hand tracing through it all. What a life!

I trust God's hand is ready to guide me tomorrow when I learn my fate. Knowing that makes it seem as though it's not that much of a deal.

unforgiven?

We're going through a leadership selection process at church & for the first time in the history of this congregation a man's name has been put forward who has been divorced. I don't know the circumstances of that -- I know he's been married to his present wife for 12 years or more; I know he has a heart for God and for sharing the transforming power of His love in his own life. He demonstrates the fruits of the spirit, he's obviously well respected because he had to meet a certain percentage threshold of nominations in order to be considered.

It has everyone digging into the Word and that is a good thing. It has everyone talking and that is a good thing when done properly. I'm quite sure a lot of improper talking is being done too but so far this week we have had three two hour sessions where people could come and discuss their concerns with the present elders. I'm not sure how I feel about everything. Seems the older I get the less black and white things are and the more questions I have. If only this issue would have come up 25 years ago! I would have known the RIGHT answer and would have been righteously indignant should anyone dare see things differently.

But here's what I know. Divorce is ugly and painful. God hates it. It is not a part of His plan for His children because He doesn't want them to be hurt so badly. But he doesn't want me to gossip or overeat or be a drunk or a liar either. I'm wondering why we pick the one thing to hold up over all else as a disqualifier. Because here's what it feels like. I will wear the big scarlet "D" around my neck for the rest of my life. I will always be a second class citizen in the family of God.

I don't think that's in His plan either.

San Antonio

Last Friday I hopped on a Southwest jet at 8:55 a.m. and landed in San Antonio a little less than an hour later. Mom & Vanessa drove there from Abilene and arrived at the airport just a few minutes after I did. We drove to our hotel and were able to check right in. The hotel was beautiful - it was formerly the Alamo National Bank. I love old buildings and this one did not disappoint.
We walked our legs off and just had a great and wonderful time. Mom & Vanessa had tickets to see Neil Diamond on Sunday evening but I went home that afternoon. I had decided I didn't want to take another day off from work because I wanted to save my vacation for a full week in Colorado in December. We've already got our reservations at the same condo we stayed in last year. Their tickets were like 5 rows from the front -- mom was very excited and I think they had a great time. I know I came home and crashed - I was tired!! It was so beautiful. I love the Riverwalk - I want to go back!! Here are some pictures -- I didn't do a very good job at taking pictures. A couple of Mom & Vanessa ...
and the view from the 15th floor of our hotel at night....



I just love girl's trips!

Hearing God's Voice

I'm doing this study. My prayer is that I will develop the discipline of slowing down enough to hear God. I've grown accustomed to not seeing God in little things. It certainly isn't because he isn't there -- I'm just not looking with purpose. Especially right now when work is so insecure and unsettling I want to be more aware than ever of how many times God intersects my day. Tonight the lesson was a reminder of how often we are in the desert when we hear him most clearly. One more reason not to fear or dread the desert times. Of course I still do. But I'm looking for my burning bushes. I want so badly to bring glory to his name. When people are scared they are looking for comfort -- I want to be worthy of his trust in me.

Yikes

The company I work for was acquired recently. It came as a huge shock to me -- it's not as though we were a little mom & pop organization. Generally global corporations with 144,000 employees are the ones that do the acquiring. Up til this past summer we were. Now the shoe is on the other foot. From the beginning as soon as the merger was announced the GC had told my manager that she had a job. Yesterday we got the news that the Deputy GC wasn't going to honor the promise -- my manager is out. Since my whole job is supporting her it's a little scary to be me right now. I have no idea what the future holds but praise God I know who holds the future. I said 8 years ago when I got my first job there that I was fully aware that God gave me the job. I was a homemaker for goodness sake. No corporate experience. And I said that when my purpose was finished I knew that God would show me the next step. So I ask for prayers and good thoughts -- that I recognize the next step and that I remain the hand of grace in uncertain times. My manager was loved and respected by all and the news has come hard. It will be very tempting to join in the negative talk that has started.

I'm crying right now. I'm scared right now. I'm going to miss her. I am very sad for all the really really good people who have been a family for years who are being "let go" because there's "no place for you here". People who have given years of their lives are rewarded with being "let go". I never realized until now what a misnomer that is! "Let" go? There's no "letting" here.

I sound grumpy don't I? I'm so sorry.

Who knows but what?

Well, I am spending my days running from my thoughts. I don't blog because I might have to think and I don't want to do that. Obviously I need intensive mental health attention. This escape plan of mine doesn't work so I'm not sure why I keep trying it.

As most everyone knows by now EDS was acquired by HP. I'm still just so stunned. We had 140,000 employees -- we were a giant with a decades long reputation. We did the acquiring. Now everything is upside down and everyone is worried about their jobs. Work is definitely stressful. More and more of the people in my department are gone. The ones that are still there are tense. My two best friends got me the job to begin with eight years ago. They are both gone now. Legal is a vulnerable department but fortunately (I hope) I work in the section of legal that is safest. We support new business and our services business is what HP wanted. I suspect most of the attorneys in my group are safe. Likewise, I hope, all the paralegals. Administrative staff is a big question mark. They align their departments differently and even if I get to keep my job I will no longer be reporting to my manager. All secretaries and executive assistants alike report to the Office Manager. Right now the legal secretaries report to the office manager but the Executive Assistants report to the manager they support. I love my boss and she's great to work for. Now who knows? I hate change. Oh, let's go ahead and admit it - change TERRIFIES me. Ridiculous, since change is the only constsnt in life.

Here's what I know. God is constant. He is faithful. He got me this job to begin with and when my purpose is served I will not be here anymore. He knows I have to work so I will have a job elsewhere. My challenge is to rest in trusting faith. Oh, and to do my very best job in the meantime.

September 11, 2008

Dear Dr. Rogers,

Enclosed are my latest results from my recent mammogram and bone density scan. I thought they should be included with my records that you are soon kicking to the curb.

In Bible times when the Israelites were confronted with something that brought them much sorrow the Bible says they tore their clothes and put on sackcloth and ashes. This was a reminder to them as well as to all who saw them they were grieving something (whether it be their own just desserts or a loss). Remembering this has made it much easier to decide what to wear to work since receiving your letter. Indeed, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth at the news I read.

This simply cannot be! I will not take it lying down. Oh wait. Yes I will. Lying down on a table decorated with lovely ice cold stirrups. In a stranger’s office with someone most certainly not from Lubbock, TX. Words simply do not do justice to the depth of my angst! Surely I feel deserted and bereft.

I am considering volunteering to be an object lesson next summer. I’ll just have my yearly exam in your class room. Certainly after the years of infertility tests and procedures there is no dignity left to lose so one more observer might not be too high a price to pay. I confess that I am praying that you soon discover that a classroom full of eager young minds cannot compare to an office filled with befuddled, hot-flashing, emotional menopausal women and you will repent of your errant ways and come back to us. Fortunately I just saw you, so you have a full 11 months to come to your senses. Just keep my name in your contact list – I’ll be right there.

Seriously, (actually the preceding was only about half not-serious) I cannot let you ride off into the sunset without thanking you for being the caring, thorough, reassuring doctor you have been the last 15 years. You were with us when we lost the miracle baby that wasn’t supposed to have ever even been; you were there when I had to come to terms with the realization that part of my life was over and I would be having a hysterectomy at 40 years old. You helped me not only survive that surgery but thrive and see it as a very good thing – feeling good for the first time in 15 years. You were graciously there when I had to endure the gut-wrenching angst of standing beside my son who was acting as though he hadn’t a brain in his head. So although I am thoroughly selfish and making this all about me, I wish you the very best. Our loss is certainly the next generation of doctor’s gain. If you can instill in them one-half the caring, gentle, sincere bedside manner you possess then my daughter will be in good hands.

God bless you!
Thankfully but sadly,

Great joy

Yesterday I received a confirmation that was, without a doubt, one of the most powerful experiences of my life. As a parent you pray for your kids, you teach, you cajole, you scold, okay, you scream (just once....or maybe twice...) because you've lost complete control, you lead and then you watch them go. And come back. But that's another story. The one thing you watch most closely for is evidence that they've got it -- they aren't regurgitating your faith but they have it for themselves. They've fought for it, wrestled with it and welcomed it with open arms into their own lives. I've wondered sometimes if I was ever going to see it. Last night in a conversation with Matt he let me get a rare look into his heart of hearts. I was bursting with joy to see so plainly that he has got it! It's not my faith. It's not his grandparent's faith. He traveled dark roads and survived ugly storms to get where he is -- and he is there right in the center of God's palm. I am living 3 John 1:4, peeps!

"I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth."

Amen and amen - to God be the glory!!!

For it's one, two, three strikes you're out.....

I was getting dressed to go to a luncheon baby shower last week. I wasn't wearing anything special - just a tank top from Old Navy and jeans. It wasn't just an ordinary tank top - I'll admit it was cuter than average - it has sort of a draw string gathering thing happening in the front and it has spaghetti type straps. ANYWAY I was trying to decide which jeans to wear when Katie came in and said "Cute shirt!" I was pleased that she liked it - that doesn't happen often as you might suspect. Then she said "I want to borrow it sometime." WOW! Now that is the highest praise. So I'm smiling to myself a bit (us moms are such suckers for praise) when I noticed the look. I don't know how to describe it -- all girls are masters at it. Usually the look means "I cannot believe you are seriously going to wear that!" I figured it was the jeans and so I said "these are my only choices!" and she said "No....I was just thinking....you look really young."

WHOA. I'll be living a month or two on the strength of that. I've long ago given up on the notion that I'll ever knock it out of the park again - but I'm happy to think I got a base hit! I know the smile on my face was huge as I said "THANKS!" She didn't smile back though - just kept looking at me.

To be honest, I was still so flattered at the notion that my 20 year old daughter just told me (a) she liked my shirt enough to want to wear it herself and (b) that I looked young that I really wasn't focusing on the stare so much.

Then I heard it.

"Are you going through a mid-life crisis?"

Detours, road construction and me

This has been a time of wilderness wandering for me. That I chose to wander is an inescapable truth -- though it didn't seem like a choice. It seemed (and seems) to be a by-product of traveling a long road that I didn't necessarily choose to be on to begin with. Have you ever gone on a trip and had the route all planned out only to discover mid-trip that due to road construction there was a detour? I had my life trip planned out. It seemed to be a good trip - not one full of surprises and adventure since I am not fond of either of those things. It was a nice smooth, straight stretch of highway. I wake up one day to discover that somewhere I was forced to take a detour and I don't know where this road is taking me. I can't see far ahead - the only endless stretch of road seems to be the one that is behind me. Instead of trusting that the road is the design of the great road designer I've caught myself way too many times pulled over at a road stop - griping and complaining about the provisions. Second guessing God.

A wise friend told me that perhaps I was on this road so that I would recognize that God was the provider. Were the road one I could have easily traveled would I have so easily recognized his provisions? Likely, no. Now I am forced to rely, forced to trust one step at a time and forced to admit it's not me....none of it is me. If I make it through it's because God did it. That's the whole of it. God did it.